It has been roughly 2 years since I stopped calling Albert "Alberchie". 2 years that I thought that I have completely healed. 2 years of thinking just only myself. 2 years that I thought that I had moved on.
Last night, I stayed in Albert's place. I did what I normally do. I cleaned up a bit because as usual, the room is filthy. I cooked for the two of us because I know he's such a sloth in doing his own food.
While doing these, I was really in agony. I had this urge of calling him "Alberchie" again. The name that I hold dear. The name that I devoted my time to. The name that I loved as my own little brother. The name that I have grown to care about.
As much as I was tempted to do it, call him Alberchie. I was able to restrain myself. I had suffered so many heartaches during the those time. Heartaches that made me cry. But are also the same heartaches that made me stronger and that help me grow as a person.
I am binded by the strong decision that I made 2 years ago. I will not call him Alberchie again. I will let him go. I will let him go as a gift for him and for myself. I will let go of all my self-proclaimed responsibilities in him. I will let go of all the care and love that I had given him. I will let go of the little brother that I grown to love.
But I really want to! I want to call him Alberchie again! I want to shout his name! Alberchie! Alberchie! Alberchie! But these cries are just echoes in my head that I am not able to verbalize. I want to call him Alberchie...