Deep inside I knew.

I knew that my time with him was just borrowed time. It's something I cannot just demand. That's why when he promises to be with me, I was stubborn to a fault to make it happen no matter what. If we cannot do it on the agreed time and date, I was very much amicable for a postponement but never a cancellation.

I guess in my mind, that was the only thing that he can give me. TIME.

If you are privy in my life, you know that my time is an utmost precious resource. I handle multiple items at the same time hence the moniker "Time is gold", holds true in my case. Whenever we will go out, I have to go out of my way and clear that schedule so we can do it. That means I need to finish items more quickly or postpone them just to give myself some time.

"Di ko naman hiningi yan!". His messaged echoed through my mind as I read through it. Well true, he didn't ask for it directly but it was the consequence of the times we went out. He said this when I told him that I skipped through important events of my life just to make our little trip happen. On my end, I just want him to understand why it pisses me off since I already sacrificed some things and then he'll bail on me. BUt I guess, no amount of explanation will go through the mind of a child. It resounded to him in a different way as if I'm nagging him. Big surprise there.

Today is the anniversary of the time we first spent the night together in a hotel room. No. Nothing happened between us.


Being a sapiosexual that I am, I wanted to make a deeper connection with him first. After that night, there were times that I found myself aroused after just a face to face conversation with him. I guess he intrigued me.

But now, I am wondering, what if I gave him another way to repay me? What if, on our first night, I went ahead and toyed with his body? Would our bond have ended there ? Would have bond became stronger? Would our fight about time have been averted?

I am not a sexual maniac that would require him to sleep with me everytime. I loved him more than that. But maybe if I was given something that I can hold on to, I wouldn't have been so obsessed in always having some time with him.

"What? Like a monthly deposit of sperm?" a flash thought of my aggressive side.

Well, I guess I'm fine with it. If it would have gave me something to look forward to, why not?

But that is all in the past now. I learned my lesson. No more people like this in my life. But I will still settle for a boytoy! hahahah!