Change of Heart

The other day I claimed my new rims in Quiapo. On a whim, I decided to just walk from our place to Quiapo and back so I have plenty of time to think about things that were bothering me; Particularly this dilemma that I was having.

Gob-stop Realization
When the schedule for GDC classes were rolled out completely last Sunday, I was dumbstruck with one timeslot for Alabang:

06:00pm - 07:00pm - Hiphop with Gelai
06:00pm - 07:00pm - Hiphop with Paul

My initial reaction was: "DAFUQ!? NASAN ANG HUSTISYA!?". We were already struggling with getting students to attend his class and then you'll have an MMS with the same class ON THE FUCKING SAME TIMESLOT.

I made a decision to go to Alabang right then and there. I knew there is a possibility that it will be cancelled due to lack of students if I don't add myself to the list.

But then... hit me like blunt force trauma to the head. "DAFUQ! NASAN TALAGA ANG HUSTISYA!?"

GDC ALABANG: 06:00pm - 07:00pm - Hiphop with Paul
07:30pm - 08:30pm - Street Pop with Chrissian


How on earth can I be in Alabang until 7pm then 7:30 in QC? Just a bit of a trivia, I was the one who requested that Street Pop class for my squad. I am supposed to be there. I SHOULD BE THERE.


With the heavy heart, I decided to stick to Street Pop. But that didn't mean I will not do anything for my teacher. I started messaging my classmates in Alabang if they were willing to attend HH with Paul on Saturday. I was lucky to have been able to get to affirmations. With the last one to complete the go signal coming from a student that informed teacher early on (I have a good idea who this student is! HAHA!).

I know you may be asking why I did that. Because I clearly know the disappointment for a cancelled class. I felt it. I felt it so vividly it broke my heart. It is the main reason that I became Teacher Clyde's student. If you know me well, you know that I am an empath. I feel other's emotions as if they were mine. I felt Teacher Clyde's disappointment and frustration when his class in SM Aura was cancelled due to lack of students. I could have enrolled for that last slot but opted not to in favor of taking a break. That's why when I came back to SMX, I felt that sinking feeling of melancholy from him. It broke my heart. That's why I enrolled in his Adult Beginners Class on whim.

Like a bombshell, a realization just exploded in my mind...

"Am I just projecting my feelings and aspirations for Teacher Clyde to my new Hiphop teacher?"

Is it real or just a projection?
When Teacher Paul first invited me to his class, I was so happy. I attended it even at the cost of earning the ire of the bosses in TADS. I am positive that I perfectly enjoy his classes especially the one when we did Water by Usher and I have been killin' his classes ever since. I am the type of student that grows exponentially good when I have good relations with my teacher both academic and here in my dance classes. I'm pretty much eager to enroll in his GFP class for this summer.

until this realization...

  • Eagerness to attend his classes
  • Ensuring that all his classes are a go
  • His regular students growing
  • Excitement to enroll his class for GFP
  • Ensuring the numbers for his GFP class
... these are all my dreams, functions, and aspirations for Teacher Clyde. Things that I wasn't able to do due to our short period together and his sudden departure. Things I will do willingly unconditionally for him. These are all for Teacher Clyde. not for my present teacher... Questions. Questions. Questions.
"Do I really want to enroll in his GFP class? Do I really want for it to prosper or is it just a projection of my dream for Teacher Clyde? If I did push through in having his GFP class, will it give me the gratification like that of having Teacher Clyde's class?" "Do I really want to attend all of his classes? I also enjoy Teacher Chrissian's, Teacher Myka's, hell, I enjoyed my Hiphop class with Teacher Mike so what's with the eagerness to his classes?
One thing is for sure, he is not Teacher Clyde, so I should not be pushing/projecting my aspirations (regrets?) to my new Hiphop Teacher. It seems unfair because those are not really for him but for Teacher Clyde.