Once upon a Dyosa: TYK 2nd floor Restroom

I clearly remember this awkward moment (well... for me at least...) during the Thomasian Welcome Walk 2009...

The event, which was spearheaded by the UST Central Student Council, came to an end in smashing success. It was a very tiring day for the officers and the staff having to endure a planning session in the morning, then do each of our assigned duties for the event that started early afternoon and lasted early evening. Committee heads like yours truly have dual assignments, as I am the head of the First Aid Booth as well as a runner for one of the OSA (Office for Student Affairs) staff.

I came back to the office to get a whiff of cold air to freshen up. All the running plus the hot temperature of the afternoon opened up all the sweat glands in my body. Not to mention, uber tired for the same reasons.

I sat down on our desk (actually, the Office of the Auditor's desk) with a big thud. The aircon doing its job of relieving the hot stresses of the day's event. After getting comfy for a bit, I decided to go the restroom to wash up the grime even for just the face and arms.

During our time, the 2nd floor restroom of the Tan Yan Kee Student Center is for the exclusive use of the OSA Staff, VIPs, and the Student Leaders whose offices are located on the floor which are CSC and SOCC. CSC 08-09 provided a special keyholder for the key the restroom which was inherited by CSC 09-10. The restroom key was inside a key ring that is attached to a big wooden key figure.

I took the ginormous key of comfort and proceeded to the restroom. Cloud nine feelings of contentment envelop me as the cool water slowly cleanses my skin. I bought a facial cleanser for the sole purpose of washing up after the end of the day. I learned this lesson during the last CSC event that clean up is a must after every event and bring your own cleaning agents. I generously used both the cleanser and the cool water to satisfy my end of event wash up routine.

When I came back to the office, a handful of staff and officers were already there. Everyone cheered congratulations to each other for a very successful event. Of course, though there is an air of happiness, it is tainted by the desire to freshen up from the tiring activity. We found leftover shirts from last year's Paskuhan. After getting consent from the officers to use it, I took one that is my size and returned to the restroom to change.

Of course since I'm a Dyosa, I went straight to the cubicle to change upon entering the rest room. Two other male staff came in the restroom while I was changing. It didn't took a light year for me to change so I got out of the cubicle fast. They were having a conversation while I came out. I smiled at them went straight to lavatory and fixed my hair with the water. When I looked in the mirror...

there it was... A slow mo awkward moment...

The two male staff slowly (well in my mind since its a slow mo moment) lifted their shirts to their heads. Revealing their boyish non toned slim physiques. During this time, my faux jaw that is invisible to others dropped to the floor of course in slow mo fashion as well. They revealed a smile after removing their shirts and continued their conversation while I just stood their in silence trying not to freak out while in between two half naked guys. Both of them are not really gwapo, but one is really appealing sexually, while the other one has really a charming smile.

One of them asked me if I had a soap, I pointed to the available hand soap, trying to act cool amidst the confusion with the situation. After tossing my hair just a bit more, I decided to leave, but not before I had a final look at the fine reward that was given to me for a job well done.




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I was browsing through the blogosphere when I accidentally stumbled upon Junakis's blog. I read through his writings and I must say I love it! But what most hit me his is short story entitled, "Noted, Love"

What really hit me is the story itself. But before that I would like to thank Darwin Taylo for sharing his gift of writing to the world. Really. So good.

Anyhoo, as I mentioned, what really hit me is the story itself. Probably because it hit a mark on a certain memory that as much as I want to forget, is one of the reason why I stand tall.

Like the story, I once had a "relationship", quote unquote, that ended abruptly. It has that same element of everything feeling right and falling into place then in just a snap, everything is swallowed into the void with no explanations whatsoever.

Anyway, I won't be putting much detail into that since you can read all about in the the Angel of Torment section of my blog.


Ilayo mo kami sa apoy ng impyerno

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Dahil kagabi walang internet, napagdesisyunan kong basahin nalang yung binili kong komiks last weekend. At hindi ako nadisappoint!

My gosh! Magkakasundo kami ng author neto pag makita kami! I think he has a very clear picture of the conversations that I want to talk about with my future husband! *Chows!*

The komiks is really witty and filled with philosophical questions about life. Actually... it inspired me to write a piece. So watch out for that!

Looking forward in buying the other comic complilation of KikoMachine! Highly recommended for High IQ people! Sa mga in the lower strata of the quotient, Pupung nalang kayo... Baka kasi hindi kayo matawa eh. whahahhah!


Yêu Em

My most favorit VPop Artist is Cuong 7. Here is his new video that translate to "Love you"

Yêu Em
by Cuong 7
Vietnamese Lyrics:
Từng ngày trôi qua, tìm kiếm nơi cảm xúc ta vô tình này người vào mơ bao lâu và chìm trong miên man nghĩ về những yêu thương ta chôn vùi sâu,từ bao đêm say .

Và để rồi một lần nữa tìm được em sau bao tháng ngày người con gái khiến anh chìm vào những ngất ngây.

Và lại một lần nữa trái tim anh này lại được lắp đầy về một khao khát luôn có em trong vòng tay.

Một lần thôi em nhé đến trái tim được nghe những yêu thương anh luôn dành tặng riêng cho người.

Và tình yêu anh sẽ giúp xóa đi cơn mê trong lòng anh bấy lâu.

Hãy cho anh được yêu em, yêu em, yêu em từ con tim này được lên tiếng khi em kề bên. Hãy cho anh được yêu em, yêu em, yêu em từ giấc mơ được gọi tên anh mỗi đêm.

Một lần thôi em nhé đến trái tim được nghe những yêu thương anh luôn dành tặng riêng cho người.

Và tình yêu anh sẽ giúp xóa đi cơn mê trong lòng anh bấy lâu.

Kể từ ngày em đi để từng cuối chân trời nơi những vì sao kia đang từng vui lung linh và tràn ngập trong suy nghĩ về em.

Người con gái trong mơ anh bao đêm kiếm tìm để rồi từng ngày nhung nhớ người tình yêu trong khúc hát này người làm anh chìm đắm trong mê say.

Và lại một lần nữa trái tim anh này lại được lắp đầy về một khao khát luôn có em trong vòng tay.

Một lần thôi em nhé đến trái tim được nghe những yêu thương anh luôn dành tặng riêng cho người.

Và tình yêu anh sẽ giúp xóa đi cơn mê trong lòng anh bấy lâu.

Hãy cho anh được yêu em, yêu em, yêu em từ con tim này được lên tiếng khi em kề bên.

Hãy cho anh được yêu em, yêu em, yêu em từ giấc mơ được gọi tên anh mỗi đêm.

Anh dằn vặt đôi cơn bão, luôn đôi cả đại dương xanh ước ao gạt bóng đêm giữ luôn định luật khoảng cách cho dù là bất cứ khi nào, bất cứ nơi nào không thể ai ngăn cách được em và anh nắng ấm sẽ tìm tới bên em baby girl đừng lo lắng anh sẽ lại vẽ bầu trời đầy nắng vì em là viên kim cương quý giá anh đi tìm khắp bố phương và chỉ có em anh thức được trái tim đã ngủ quên ở thiên đường.

Một lần thôi em nhé đến trái tim được nghe những yêu thương anh luôn dành tặng riêng cho người.

Và tình yêu anh sẽ giúp xóa đi cơn mê trong lòng anh bấy lâu.

Hãy cho anh được yêu em, yêu em, yêu em từ con tim này được lên tiếng khi em kề bên.
Hãy cho anh được yêu em, yêu em, yêu em từ giấc mơ được gọi tên anh mỗi đêm.

Một lần thôi em nhé đến trái tim được nghe những yêu thương anh luôn dành tặng riêng cho người.

Và tình yêu anh sẽ giúp xóa đi cơn mê trong lòng anh bấy lâu.Hãy cho anh được yêu.
English Lyrics (Translated using Google Translate)
Each passing day , we search where emotion this accidentally in the long dream and sunk in thought endlessly about my love buried deep , from which night drunk .

And so then find them again after so many months of the date a girl made ​​him sink into ecstasy .

And once again my heart this is about a longing fills you in my arms always .

Okay once you hear the heart to love him always dedicated for people .

And he would love to remove the coma in his heart for so long .

Let's give him the love you , love you , love you from my heart was when I spoke adjacent . Let's give him the love you , love you , love you from the dream his name every night .

Okay once you hear the heart to love him always dedicated for people .

And he would love to remove the coma in his heart for so long .

Since the end of each day I go to where the horizon is the starlight shimmer ever happy and overwhelmed thinking about you .

The girl in his dream which seeks night and day by day but thanks to the love of singing this song make you immersed in the fascination .

And once again my heart this is about a longing fills you in my arms always .

Okay once you hear the heart to love him always dedicated for people .

And he would love to remove the coma in his heart for so long .

Let's give him the love you , love you , love you from my heart was when I spoke adjacent .

Let's give him the love you , love you , love you from the dream his name every night .

He sometimes tormenting storm , always double blue oceans desire to keep the darkness always deceive law whether the distance anytime , anywhere who can not be separated from me and you will find the warm sunshine baby girl by your side do not worry he will re- draw the sunny skies because they are precious diamonds you go looking around and just have my dad the way he fell asleep hearts in heaven .

Okay once you hear the heart to love him always dedicated for people .

And he would love to remove the coma in his heart for so long .

Let's give him the love you , love you , love you from my heart was when I spoke adjacent .
Let's give him the love you , love you , love you from the dream his name every night .

Okay once you hear the heart to love him always dedicated for people .

And he would love to remove the coma in his heart for his beloved lau.Hay then.


Memories about an Angel

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I awoke with Bituin Escalante's voice singing in my ear. Her signature one-hit-wonder song, Kung Ako Nalang Sana, is part of the playlist in my cellphone. I was there at the right side of the bus facing the TV, perfectly comfortable with my 50-degree inclined back rest. My purple hoodie jacket protected me from the cold whiff of the aircon.The bus just passed by Mayon when I came to. Robin Padilla's daughter: on screen. We were nearing Blumentritt so I gave out a yawn then fixed my things. A quick turn by our driver at the corner and we were in the middle of the traffic in front of Chinese General Hospital's facade. Uninterested with the show in the TV, I nonchalantly turned to my right. I was perpendicular to the Emergency driveway of the hospital. It was then that images of my past appeared in front of me.

I was sitting on the caged veranda. He brought food for his sister-in-law and some supplies for his sick mother. I accompanied him that morning in the hospital because his mother was rushed there. He just got back from their Faculty retreat when he heard the news. I got a hold of him the morning after he arrived. I can tell the anxiousness of his texts that's why I offered to come with him.

After introducing me to his mother, I quietly sat down the veranda. I gave them space so they can properly talk since I know that he was very worried. That was the scenario until his sister-in-law came back.

I received a text from my friends asking where I am. They were then assembled at a place, I was instructed to join them. I replied with the situation and was asked to follow after my affair.

He approached me with a smile. His angelic face beaming. His anxious face now gone. He sat beside me and we began talking. I can't exactly remember the minute details of that conversation, but I am quite sure it was about our dreams. We were both teachers. He as a profession; Myself, at heart. We were conversing about how fulfilled we are to be teachers.

A light drizzle showered outside. Despite the cool wind that accompanied the tiny droplets, my heart was warm because I was with him. We were both happy talking. We could talk and talk forever. But eventually I had to leave. His sister-in-law will go home and he will be the one to replace her to take care of his mom. I happily obliged to go home since it is after all a family affair.

He thanked me for the company and walked me toward the exit of the hospital."

How long has it been? From what I can remember year 0 was the year that Harry Potter 7.2 was shown in cinemas. It was the year I forced myself to stand up again. The year I picked up the pieces of myself from the depths of depression. I won't fool myself and say that I already fully moved on. I can say there is always a part of me that is still broken. There are so many unanswered questions that only he can answer.

That broken part of me is only a tiny portion of my heart. I will keep moving on, until the day I finally be able to resolve the broken portion.

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Sentai Cutie: Yasuhiro Ishiwata

Nanunuood aketch ng Maskman nang biglang tumunog ang tugtog ng isang plawta...

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Isang lalaking nakashades mula malayo ang naglalakad papalapit...

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Sa kanya nagmumula ang tugtog ng plawta...

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patuloy sya sa pag tugtog at tinggal nya ang shades nya...

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Alam ko na sa simula palang kung sino sya... kaya nung dumating na ang climax...

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Eto ang tunay na katauhan nya...

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Sya ang Human form ni Guron Doggler...

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Pero gosh!!! Grabeh sa cute netong guest star ng Maskman ah! His name is Yasuhiro Ishiwata, nung nakita ko pa lang sya sa first scene na naclose up yung face nya, crush ko na sya!!! Wahahaahhah!

Sa episode na ito ng Maskman, nain-love si Gron Doggler sa isang babae na nagligtas sa kanya centuries ago. Nakipag deal sya kay Emperor Zeba na tatalunin nya ang mga Maskmen kung bibigyan nya sya ng kakayahan magkaron ng human body. Nang sumalakay na ang pwerse ng Underground Tube, nagbago ng ihip ng hangin nang masilayan ni Gron Doggler si Momoko (aka Pink Mask). Kamukhang kamukha kasi ni Momoko yung babaeng nagligtas kay Gron Doggler dati. At nagsimula na ang maikling love story ni Hikaru (human name ni Gron Doggler) at Momoko.

Inferness ha! Di ko inexpect na madaming flavors of scorned love ang Maskman ah! Akala ko kina Michael Joe at Rio lang ang dramang yun...


I did some research kay Cutie guest star... Apparently, member sya nung last installment ng sentai series prior to Maskman, ang Flashman. Sya si Blue Flash.
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Nagguest star din sya with Kanako Maeda (yung gumanap na Momoko) sa Jetman, at magkapartner sila ulet! Lovers on screen ang peg nila! whahhaha!

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Oh yeah!


Sexual Orientation

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"Sexual orientation is not determined by one's behavior. Sexual orientation is determined by one's desires."

I read that line somewhere in this vast universe called cyberspace. Whoever you are, I take my hat off to you. It is by far the most powerful statement that I have read about homosexuality.

People behave differently depending on their beliefs. Most of the closetted gays (or at least they try to be) I know tell me that they will change their ways. They will stop it the "transformation" from progressing as if they will clad sailor uniforms with elemental powers once its complete. The sad thing about their stop-the-metamorphosis litany is because they believe they will go to Hell is they don't change their ways or they are afraid they will be alone in the future.

haaaaay... Same old same old.

The thing is with my closetted friends is that they tend to worry about other people's point of view rather than their own; Also, worrying about a very negative future. I am not the most religious person around but one thing I learned from being a student of Catholic schools for 9 years, the central theme of the Holy Book is Love. Literal interpretation of what's written there is dangerous. Especially since those times of slavery and conquerors are long gone. Therefore, the norms and cultures are different from then and now. I can cite multiple things stated in the Bible that are now obsolete. But I will leave it to other articles in the blogosphere. Do your assignment and check those out. Also, though this is just my personal point of view, in the olden times, the males are easily regarded as the more superior gender. Hence, the Bible is written in this very masculine-centric viewpoint. Sodomy, i.e. Barebacking, is a form of punishment then because it lowers the level of those being sodomized as the aggressive inserter of the phallus to the helpless receiver of the phallus and they become a plaything just like how they view women those days. Now, doing a homosexual act among males is looked down upon because of the fact that it is now consensual. One male is willing to go down a notch down so that he can give pleasure to his lover. Isn't this sacrifice? Isn't this an expression of love. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that homosexual love is strictly about sex. But hell, that's what the Bible explicitly denounces. A man sharing a bed with another man just like he does his wife. Not a man loving another man.

Moving on, I just get frustrated when they tell me that the only future for gay men is a picture of loneliness. I beg to disagree. What is your basis for saying that I will grow up lonely? Sorry! Is your cheating husband and your dumb kids your picture of a happy life? Vocabulary lesson, the word gay means happy. Since the Filipinos have close-knit family ties, everyone is expected to turn out good. And when I they say good it means finish school, get a job, have kids and the cycle will go on. And that's their equation of happiness. If they continue this cycle, they will be happy. Well not for me.

I think the reason why my closetted friends believe the shit that they will be alone in the future because of the notion that no one will truly love a gay man. That's so two thousand late. We are in the day and age that gay men love other gay men. The idea that gay men will only love straight men is so out. Plus with the proliferation of Bisexuals... OHHOOOOH YEAH!!! *pun intended*

My advice to my friends, go ahead. Try it. Change your ways. Even if you totally remove the rainbow connection from your system, yet what you desire is love from other men. Well... You know what you really are; Best of luck on escaping your true self.



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One thing I know for certain, I need to have a reason for doing things for me to be more determined and passionate of doing it. That's the only way that I can be most productive and most passionate in my work. Finally, after a long time of working blind in the dark, I finally found my illumination.

It never really occurred to me until recently. Probably because I kept focusing on the stresses in my work and disregarding all the small positive things around me. But after I started really taking a portion of my work item seriously, it was then that I was able to see this very positive light.

Yep. He is now my reason to work hard. I will not sit idly by while he faces his challenges alone. I will be his secretary. I will throw in double the effort so everything will work out fine. I will do my best to convince him to stay.

I'm so surprised that what my ka-wavelengths said before came true. But then, I guess, they really know me more in that aspect. Wahahahahahaha!!!

For the first time, I can say I'm happy despite the stresses. Yep and it's all about that illumination.


Counting the days

It's already October. On the 16th of this month, I will be just a month away before my 1st year anniversary with my current employer. I will then need to decide if I want to stay with the company or not. I have 1 year to think about it come my 1st year anniversary.

I can say my work is perfect for me. Just like what my good friend, Albert, told me. My skill set fits the mold of the position I have right now. Even the so called "special projects" are well suited in my skills repertoire. But despite the almost tailored carcass that is my designation, the amount of stress level and work ethic really gets to me.

I guess teamwork is not a common practice in our office. Everything is just on assignment. Everyone is assigned a specific task and they will revolve around that task without a care for others. But then again, maybe because it was simply a consensus between the members of our section. Since we have no real authoritative figure within our office, we were contented with the set-up. Even though, we were given this authoritative figure a few months ago, we were adamant with the status quo since it was system that was really working out for us.

I guess I just miss the thrill of having a team. Although everyone has their own role to play, everything comes together because we help each other. No one is left to do their own work because there will always be someone who will be willing to help them. Someone is in charge while doing the same work with the others. This was the case of CSC '08-'09, the year when student-leadership was the most fulfilling. The spirit of camaraderie and teamwork really goes beyond political affiliation.

Then we have the indefensible stress, that comes out from whimsical decisions rather than logical reasons. Just to give a pop culture reference to this, it's just like what Heidi Klum says, "One day your in and the next day your out". That's how erratic decisions in our section are. One day this is it, and the next day it will be this. I understand that there will always be stress at work, but I am defining this indefensible stress because it is just additional burden that should not have been there but exists because of erratic decisions. One such example is the one in my previous post. I was assigned to spearhead a project that I have no prior experience in organizing. It will be the end of me. I tell you. THE. END. OF. ME.

And finally we have the bossy co-workers. I will turn a blind eye if the person is a tier above me, but we are in positions of the same level. Seniority does not excuse someone to behave with proper etiquette and good manners. Saying Please and Thank you would be enough, also a proper tone of voice when asking for a favor.

I recently had a chat with a former officemate; she's been blooming ever since she got out of the hell hole called our office. And we have the same brain wavelength to conclude that "You can never understand how stressful it is in that office unless you're in it." Good for her and I'm happy for her.

Well, I can rant all I want but then again, the job is not half bad. Though I guess I lack the training required to do some of the requirements of my job. That's why they can never utilize my full potential without these trainings. I took the job because I thought I will be fulfilled. Not the lucrative pay nor the fame of working in that particular industry. Once my fulfillment cannot offset the poor work ethics or I hit my boiling point due to stress...


But that's a year from now.


One Man Team

I was known as the One Man Team when I was still a student leader in my tertiary Alma Mater. When I was a 4th year Chemical Engineering Student, I retained my position as the Legal Officer of our neophyte political party, SIKLAB. I was also appointed the Project Director of Thomasian Project 4, under the then Cachero CSC Administration. I was the sole member of the SIKLAB Legal Team, since we were a neophyte party, and the Thomasian Project 4, since the other member, my superior, graduated in the last school year.

I guess I did good in those two positions since I retained them the following school year. But it was mainly due to the fact that I was left to explore the positions that I held. SIKLAB was just in its sophomore year, I was free to define what kind of person should the SIKLAB Legal Officer be. I was free to create a system of documentation that future SIKLAB Legal Officers can use. While for TP4, I was part of its pilot phase and my opinions were held with high regard because I was the longest to be affiliated with the project.

Unlike what is happening now...

I was assigned to a program that I know nothing of except that it's like a showcase of technical projects. Even worse, I was the one the helm the realization of the program this year. Oooooh BOY!!!

During the initial planning, I heard this particular remark that made me realize that I am will be a One Man Team once more: "Estimate mo kung ilan kelangan mong mga...". Pertaining to the materials that I will need for the program. I knew right then that I will be in this alone. There was no hint of I'll help you in that remark. But there can never be more horrifying experience with this program than learning that I have no budget. Worse, I was accused that I will not do the program because there was no money. FUCK!

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! To tell you the truth, I was very frustrated that I was given to helm this program. Not only that the needed spirit or mindset has not even inculcated in me, I have no prior experience with the program whatsoever. It was okay if I was the first time that the program will be organized. I can simply explore the possibilities just like what I did back in college. But since the program was existing for years now, there was a sense of expectation from all that are familiar with it. You must do this and that because that was done before. I was so stressed thinking about what will happen with the program that I fell ill many times in the past months. The program is important they said, the program is used for appraisal they said. IF IT IS SO DAMN IMPORTANT WHY IS THE BUDGET FOR IT BEEN CUT?!

After a few sleepless nights, I finally found the resolve to really spearhead the program. I have no prior experience with it so I have no choice but to simply own it. I will OWN it since I AM the one in charge! I got my netbook and started creating designs for new logos. I made logos to symbolize that the program is getting a facelift. So far, the feedback has been positive.

I find it funny that they wanted me to do a Workshop even though I haven't even had that workshop yet. When I asked for the objective, it was to get ideas for future projects. Then ultimately, it was late since there was a prerequisite period of implementation before projects were eligible for the program. So anything that they can come up can only be passed next year. I was stubborn not to conduct anymore workshops. It was simply just a waste of time.

I will give it all I got until it exhaust me. I will never forget the grade I got during my regularization.


I will all show you who I really am.


Residency Rule

I know it's a bit late to comment on this issue. I'm not exactly a fan of school sporting events so news about this kind of things I rarely open in my news. But after reading this article from Rappler, I guess I'll take a shot at it and share my thoughts.

Hmmmp... disclaimer first. My status has a UST graduate does not have bearing in my opinion. If you know me, I'm sure you are aware that I am not a proud Thomasian. With that said, here is what I think about the issue.

Something is amiss here. This is school sports we are talking about right? This is equivalent to school spirit and school pride. Then Mikee Bartolome's formation is incomplete because she represents a school that she is not proud of. If her life long dream is to represent UP in a swim meet, why did she enroll in UST High School? She could have easily enrolled in UP Integrated School and represent the UP Junior Swimming team. I've read in other articles that another reason for her transfer in UP is that UP is much nearer to their place. All the more reason why she should've enrolled in UPIS. Then she wouldn't be having this problem.

There was another reason given from an article I cannot locate anymore. It said that she would need to pay for her two years in college because UP cannot offer her scholarship because of the residency rule. Haaaay, then stay with UST! She'll still be part of the swim team which in turn gives her athletic scholarship from UST. My goodness! This is a hard decision she needs to make! She's lucky enough that she can even choose between these two schools, unlike people I know who can't even go to college! Nakakainis eh! You cannot have everything girl!

In my opinion, the life-long dream thing is not accurate. There's no logic in enrolling in a school far from your house, represent it in the sport in you excel in, then after four years say your dream school is the one near your place.

On another note, I understand UAAP officials why they created the residency rule. It is simply a safety net for them. How would you feel if the dog you trained and fed, betrayed you because it favored to your rival and worse bit you? Well, I don't really look at athletes as dogs and just made my remark to simply to explain the matter. But if the shoe fits...


Tea Time Comprehension

I was dumbstruck when I read that particular post. I felt uneasy all throught out my jeepney ride home. My mind completely dittoing the cloudy sky. I gave a deep sigh after disembarking from the PUJ. The weather truly sympathetic...

I closed my eyes and gave another sigh as I sat down on my monobloc chair. The post reverberating into the deepest corners of my heart. I slumped lazily as my mind drifted to the abyss.

But then again, my mind begged to differ. Should I really be affected? Should I really think that it's about me?

I guess I still do have feelings for him. But why should I hold on to something that was never there to begin with? I'm just fed up with false hopes and make-believes. This is probably a wake up call; The only difference is that it came from him.

yup. We will part ways... I'll make sure of it...


Cooking me not

Recently, I haven't been cooking meals in my home in Bataan. It's not that I hate the clean up or anything. I wasn't really sure why though. But tonight, I read a manga that gave the me the reason why...

It's true that I love to cook. It's probably one of my skills that I can brag about. That's why it's really a wonder that I haven't been cooking at all. And I think the reason is...

I'm not cooking for someone...

Like the manga I read pointed out, cooking is different if your doing it for someone. Though I guess, there was no avenue in which I can make him eat what I cooked. But it's a fact that I do think about him when I cook. Well, I still am recovering from the "loss" of the love that was never there. How ironic to be sentimental to something that did not exist. It's sooooooooooooooooo RH Debate!

Anyhoo, I plan to cook some food for me soon. I miss that Sour Tomato recipe I used to make when I was still living in Cavite. The sweet-sour-salty flavor is a must in this rainy season. It's healthy too.


Lessons learned

 photo lessons-learned_zpsd8af9a1e.jpg

Kamusta lovelife?

That's probably the most common question I hear when catching up with friends in the metro. I usually reply with the generic: Wala. Zero.

But with friends in Bataan, the usual question is, Kamusta na kayo ni Prince Charming?

To put it bluntly, I moved on. Yes there was this silver lining, for moment, that I saw with him. But I have already accepted the reality that my supposed "Prince Charming" is not the Prince for me.

Next question pops up. Ganun ka kabilis mag-move on?

I can't just move on in just a snap but I guess for this instance, the process was swift. Probably because I didn't put much emotional investment on this. It was from the start, a game of cat and mouse. There were too many loose ends cloaked in denials and lies. It was apparent that it was simply an opportunity but unfeasible from the start.

I made a mistake before when I fell in love with a coward and a fraud who treated me like a piece of trash after he was done with me. Along with that came my broken heart and shattered dreams. I dreamed that we can be a team. I dreamed that we can fulfill a common endeavor. But he left me. Without a clear explanation why and what happened. He just threw me out of his life. And I was left alone to gather the pieces of me and the dream that I made for the two of us.

It's funny that I once mentioned that I would work in my current company and finance his Masters in my Alma Mater. Though that time I was still working in a different company. And look where I am now, working in this company that I never thought will accept me, and look where he is, I think still being that closetted sexual predator. If this story intrigues you, I suggest you read The Angel of Torment series. You can read all about it there.

Anyhoo, back to the real topic. I guess, this didn't shatter me enough to make it a big deal. Like they say, what doesn't kill you make you stronger. Yep. I'm stronger alright.


And they call me Tito...

Many people are shocked when they find out that I preferred to be called Tito by my nephews and nieces. It's really not much of deal. I just like it that way. But upon thinking about, I think I know why.

Hmmm... I guess I am still a male figure in the family. I'm still the younger "brother" and that corresponds to being the Tito for my nephews and nieces. It doesn't bother me at all since I don't want them to be confused. I'm all for the gender identity thing, but I want my nephews and nieces first to learn the differences between male and female are before they explore the complexity of my sexual preference.

Think of it like this, I want them first to learn one plus one before I teach them how to solve the square root of nine-four-nine-point-seven-five plus the cube root of one-zero-four-point-six-three all over forty seven.

I am my own identity and I'm sure they have there own version of what my identity is for them. Probably, the tito who tutors them in their english, math, and science subjects.


White Frog

 photo 905440_580456815307204_1787627477_o_zpsbd1ff499.jpg

I was very lucky to get a copy of this film. Honestly, I never expected it to be that good. I will not delve in the technical aspects of the film since that is really not my cup of tea. But I'd rather share the feeling that I had after watching it.

The real reason why the film drew me at first is because Harry Shum Jr. was part of it. Seeing the alternative poster where Shum and the lead actor, Booboo Stewart of twilight fame, was sitting on the grass at a cemetery made me wonder what type of movie the film was. We all know Shum as one of the male dancers of the hit show, Glee. So I was really curious on what his role really is in the film.

But upon my closer inspection, I realized that it was not Shum in the poster with Stewart but Gregg Sulkin, whom I know and love as Wesley Fitzgerald from Pretty Little Liars, making me all the more curious.

I was very touched by the film. Probably because it hit a few buttons on me. Just like Nick (Stewart), I was pretty close when I was a kid with my big brother. Though in Nick's case, his brother Chaz (Shum) died. Nick actually has Asperger's which is a form of Autistic Spectrum Disorder. Basically, Nick just lacks the social skills and non-verbal communication skills.

Nick felt lost when his big brother died. His identity was simply his Chaz's little brother. He was contented with the idea that he was his brother's confidant and that he knows him well. But throughout the film, he learned that there are things that he didn't know about his brother. That he gambles and helps kids in a shelter.

Probably, the biggest shocker for me is that when Nick and I found out that Chaz was gay. He was in love with his friend Randy (Sulkin). Gosh! When I saw the photobooth picture and the one where Randy was kissing Chaz on the cheek. It was a bombshell on me!

In the end, when Nick got to know his dead brother more, and began to accept him for who he is, I believe he found himself, and also the courage to be himself. It's funny that he started to find out more about his brother but he ended finding out more about himself. He gained the trust of his brother's best friends and made himself an identity without a need for one to determine it.

One more button that the movie touched is that just like Randy, I also have straight friends who love and trust me. It is something that I won't exchange for anything.

Oh did I mention one more eye candy? Tyler Posey, the lead of the series, Teen Wolf is also in the film. Yummy!



ni Wilter von Phar

 photo Black-And-White-Hot-Men-6_zpsd89ce59e.jpgPumikit
ngunit sa halip na dilim ay puti.
Mga mata'y nakatanaw sa dibuhong lalaki.

nang ang liwanag ay humalik.
Mga labi'y sabik na sabik.

nang walang kasing lalim na dagat
haplos at init sa liwanag ang ugat

dahil pandaliang pantangi'y nawaglit.
Matapos mangalay at may puting sumirit.

Dahil Buwan ng Wika, sige gumawa tayo ng mga tulang Filipino! May inaalala akong tao sa tulang ito. Sya talaga nag buong dahilan kaya ko sinulat ito.


My Husband's Lover Bill

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I was busy making my slides for the workshop I was going to spearhead when a very peculiar headline from my Rappler news feed popped out.

'My Husband's Lover' bill

I'm sure if you know me, you know by now that I dab into the legal stuff even though I'm an Engineer by profession. I immediately clicked the link and was directed to the article. At first, I was amused with the title; but that quickly dissipated when I read what the article was about. Albay representative Edcel Lagman filed the so called My Husband's Lover Bill.

"His proposed law seeks to provide wives and husbands the option to sue their partners who are committing same-sex adultery.

Dubbed as the "My Husband's Lover" bill, the measure seeks to broaden the definition of adultery under Article 333 of the Revised Penal Code to include same-sex extramarital affairs.

For discussion purposes, I will be speaking in the view of a gay man since it is the kind of homosexuality I am most familair with. But that doesn't mean what I'm saying does not apply to lesbians and bisexuals.

I understand Rep Lagman's ideals for equality. I understand it too well. But as much as I want to support this equality bill of his, I think there are things to be acknowledged first before we talk about this issue.

#1 Pass the Anti-discrimination Bill.
Fear of discrimination from society is the number one reason why gay men hide in the closet. They deny what they truly feel since it is not the norm. That is why they do great lengths to keep their real identity hidden, even going as far as marrying a woman so as not be disgraced from being a homosexual.

But even though these gay men are "happily" married, a certain aspect of their life is not fulfilled. That is why their homosexual tendencies haunt them. Until finally, they give in to temptation and have a secret love affair with one of their kumpares.

Point is, regardless if the relationship with the third party was just about sex or love, these men were gay from the start who forced themselves to not accept who they truly are because of fear of discrimination. That is the root of this problem, and it should be the one to be addressed. The My Husband's Lover Bill just cure the symptom but not really the cause. That is why the passing of the Anti-discrimination Bill is in order to lessen or even eradicate the fear of discrimination amongst the LGBT ranks. Thereby, lowering the cases of closetted gay men marrying females.

#2 Acknowledgement that Same-sex relationships are legitimate. Allow Same sex marriages.
We were told when we were kids that having a family of your own is one of the greatest joys of life. Guess what? It's true! That is why the Philippine government should allow same sex marriage so that homosexual couples can have the same rights as hetero couples. The right to create a family and kinship will be awarded to the homosexual couple. There is no need to create a fake normal family just to be happy.

#3 Empower the spouses. Pass a Divorce Law.
After finding out that your husband is gay who has a relationship with his bestfriend (whoa! My Husband's Lover's plot!) and there's this law that will punish them, what are you going to do? Of course, you file a law suit against them. Then after winning the case what's next? You live with your husband again with the hope that you continue your married life and live happily ever after? Duh! The legal wife's only legal remedy is legal separation to avoid that awkward scenario. But then again, this is the case with heterosexual couples too when the husband keeps a concubine. Though with the heterosexual couple, there is a chance to salvage the marriage since they can still be attracted to one another, but it's not the same with the earlier case. A fully enlightened gay man will never sleep with a woman. EVER AGAIN.

#4 Complicated scenarios
Before I go and give my approval to this, I want the lawmakers to answer how they are going to handle these situations.

The Husband is Bisexual.
Since teh husband is bisexual, he has two sexual needs. One for a woman, and one for a man. And we all know that sexual satisfaction is a need. How can this case be handled then?

The Husband and Wife conspired to extract money from the third party but that didn't go as planned.
Suppose that the wife knows that her husband is a boytoy of a rich third party gay man, but she connived with her husband so that they can profit from this gay man. But eventually her husband truly fell in love with the rich gay man and left his wife. Then the wife filed a case, how will this be treated? After all, with her conniving with her husband initially, she gave her blessing with the relationship.

Again, I am all for the equal protection of rights. But there are things that needs to be addressed first before we homosexuals are put into bad light as home wreckers.


Wounded soldier

by Wilter von Phar
the sound echoed, a falling mass of tin
knees kissed the ground, amaranth wounds unseen
eyes closed, sky's empathy, poured the rain
cold, broken, and misplaced. Such, a sword in pain

This was inspired by a story that an acquaintance was nabasted. Though, I tried to portray the figure in the piece as masculine, bits and pieces of my own emotions were inputted in.

Partly, I think I empathize with him. Since I know the pain of rejection all too well. Also, having suffered a loss in my heart just recently. I can imagine the heaviness of air around him right now. But I know he will follow through. Though we may not be close friends and talk just casually, my dyosa powers tell me that this is just a hump on his road.

This ones for you.


Resbak at the IMS Section

They have found their target.

Immediately they commenced their operation. The pair went in separate ways. Although they have the same mission, they have different methods of doing it.

The first one made his move and managed to get the target's attention. His mission: to distract the target; It was a success. Of course, since the target is already aware of his presence, he needs to be more careful. Good thing, his target went out of the room. Must be because his mission was a smashing success, and he was able to not only distract the target but also make it leave its station. The agent thought he could rest since the target was gone and proceeded to lay on the target's workstation.

A little time later, the target went back to it's workstation and spotted the intruder just laying there. With the element of surprise in its favor, it grabbed the item nearest it and with much confidence struck the intruder.


The target set aside his makeshift weapon and looked at the intruder's lifeless body. No remorse whatsoever was felt. It looked at the corpse and grinned...

The second agent watched in horror as the target disposed of her comrade's cadaver. The body was carried using the same weapon that was used to remove his partner's ability to breathe. It was thrown away in a gray pit with revolving ceiling. Fear immediately enveloped her. She's next she thought. Should she get out there? She will die if she didn't, she thought.

Going back to its workstation, the target spotted yet another intruder in its sacred sanctum. With stealth it approached the second intruder and wondered, Why is it not moving? Slowly but surely, it approached its workstation. Anyway, whatever the reason is, it's an intruder in my space. Once again, the target grabbed its makeshift weapon. The element of surprise really favoring its fortune. One more step and one hand in the air...


The sound reverberated like the action had a greater force than the previous one. Sure enough, the target saw the proof that indeed its second strike was stronger than its first. On the wall, the crushed corpse of the second intruder adhered. The blood from the intruder painted the wall with scarlet droplets. The target grinned once more, seemingly at the sight of gore in its sacred sanctum. It's grin grew wider. Wider. Wider. Showed teeth that reflected its delight.

The second corpse was retrieved. Just like what it did to the first cadaver, it was thrown in the gray pit with revolving roof. The target released a maniacal laugh after having its two kills for the day.


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John Fly and Jane Fly
DOD: July 31, 2013
COD: Slammed by stack of papers


Lunchtime Inspirations

This passed week during lunch time at work, I had sudden inspiration to write short poems. Here they are:

 photo earth20rotating_zps19d2b708.gifGulong
Umusad ang mundong nakapako
muling nabuhay ang puso't dugo
Pagnaghoy sa sinta unti unting nililimot
Bumabangong muli sa mundong umiikot

 photo envelope_zpsf10d43e6.gifEnvelope
A container holds the most important of things
maybe white, brown, just a single sheet
But when feelings are the ones kept within
Sealed not by adhesive but tears

 photo stock-photo-paper-boat-floating-on-water-in-a-dreamy-weather-3204918_zps145e32a5.jpgmotion heading outward. Away.
Without word of mouth to say.
Like a lily slowly drifting with its leaves
afar in the horizon. Vanishing from perspective.

My most favorite of the three is the last one, Fleeting. It's a depiction of my love for Prince Charming. I know it's still there but it is slowly dissipates and will soon vanish, just like the lily that is being washed away by the river. Some things are just left with time to wash it away.


Tayo ay magpugay!!!

Please play the video above before proceeding...

Ang Original na baklang Kontrabida!
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Shinkan Poe aka Babaylan Ida from Space Sheriff Shaider

Ang sumunod na pumalit sa Trono!
 photo zaido_bts02_rev_zps2cabc0b1.jpg
Ida II from Zaido: Pulis Pangkalawakan

Move over Ida and Ida II!!! May bagong bakla nang tatalbog sa inyo!
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Inang Dyosa Whilhelmina


Kidding aside...

Si Great Priest Shinkan Poe o mas kilala nating Babaylan Ida ay unang unang gay icon na inidolo ko. Yes, bata palang ako may gaydar na ako. At amoy na amoy ko ang transvestite na apo ni Fuma Ley-Ar! Last year natapos ko finally yung Shaider, nalaman ko na hindi sya napatay ni Shaider! Since napatay ni Shaider si Fuma Ley-Ar, naggive up nalang sya kasi ginagawa nya lang lahat ng mga bagay na yun kasi utos sa kanya ng lolo Ley-Ar nya. Kaya ayun, nung ni-seal ni Shaider yung tomb ni Fuma Ley-Ar, kasama nang naseal sa loob si Shinkan Poe.

Para saken si Shinkan Poe pa din ang pinakabad-ass na Primera Baklang Kontrabida!

Sabay sabay tayong lahat!!!!