Feeling Henrietta

I am really a fan of the anime series of Log Horizon. Because it combines the elements of survival, exploration, and virtual game genre. Not to mention elements of politics, ethics, and betrayal. I am drawn to the commander type of characters in the anime which are Crusty and Shiroe. I like that they are manipulative yet a very superb leaders in their own right. With today's new episode, I finally realized that I have an in-anime avatar of sort...

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I value intelligence over brute force. Shiroe-sama is the embodiment of intelligence in the series. Even the charismatic leader of DDD, Crusty, acknowledges this. The legendary strategist and mana controller of the Debauchery Tea Party. I cannot shake off his charm on me. When he hatches his evil plans, oohh!!! It makes me shiver! When his fingers push his glasses inward, I know he has a plan. And i am very much willing to oblige.

His plans are flawless. His command is absolute. Shiroe-sama is my God.

But yet, I cannot act on those feelings. His complete trust in my abilities is something that is really important to me. More then my feelings, this trust is much much special for me.


Wall Breaker

Few friends of mine are bugging me lately with my love life. Ha! Funny! Aside from the usual flirting episodes here and there, there is not much to share. Nada. Zilch.

On my end, I have given up on my futile attempts to get into a relationship. What's the point of getting into a relationship that you know from the start is doomed to just end? I'm not being a pessimist. I'm just being real. Reality bit me... Not just once... Not just twice... Not even just thrice... I have learned my lesson. And it has become who I am.

I am what you call an Old School Dyosa which can be described by one characteristic: I have a heart of a girl. I favor being treated like a lady. I like to be fetched. I like to be held by the hand when going down. I like to rest my head on a nice man's shoulder. I like to be given things that I did not ask for. I like to be walked home. I like to be pleased by the boy I like. Sounds like a princess huh?

But like I said, reality bit then chew me to smultch. I never experienced them with the men that are important to me. And these men mean a lot to me, I give them every resources that I can give. Time. Money. Effort. Everything. I try to savor my time with them because honestly, that's the only thing that I get from them. But after that, I really get this hollow feeling inside me that I will never get to fill.

Hence, my Queen persona. A Queen that created a castle wall from her fragile Princess heart. A Queen has her duties. A Queen has subjects to rule. The only mantra that would make sense for me to go on with this unfair world that I live in.

Love? Haha! Love?! No one can give me that! Can he break these walls that I made to survive? Can he treat me like a princess that I am? Can he still be my prince even if we're out in public?

No use in waiting. As Elsa once said, The cold never bothered me anyway...