There is never a time lately that I don't think about him. It's as if I reverted back to my old self. The self-conscious, self-tormenting self.
I feel anxious whenever he doesn't reply. I am always on the edge that maybe, I am once again just the flavor of the month. That what we had was simply him on a whim. And one day, he will just leave as sudden as he came knocking on my door.
I am still trying to figure out my feelings for him. It may be that I am just seeing bunso in him. And all the longing and the love that I have for bunso seems just so right for him. It's just unfair for him if that is the case.
I'm really torn with my feelings. I want to be closer to him but I don't want to do anything that will compromise our relationship. I'm just too comfortable with him around that the thought that he will eventually leave me is driving me mad. But I know I have no right to make him stay. Hell, I don't even have the right to demand his time. I'm simply a prisoner to the minuscule moment that he is giving me.
Do I love him? I think I do. But to what extent? That's what I'm still trying to figure out.