Conversations can really open up old wounds. But in my case, it reminded me of old scars. Memories that I kept hidden behind my tearducts...

I waited patiently by the park near C4. Navotas sector names adorn the park's centerpiece statue. It was a cool July evening. Soft breezes chill bystanders like me in the park. I was holding two tickets of the advance screening of Harry Potter 7.0. I was meeting the person I chose to go with for that special screening. My heart pounding in sync with every second that passes.

He approached me silently. He was on his bicycle when I saw him. He immediately parked his bike beside a nearby pot and then sat at the opposite side of the bench I was sitting on. We were silent for a few long cold minutes. In the end, I thawed the glacier with a smile, and handed over our ticket for the special screening.

He accepted it. Examined it closely. Then smiled. It was the smile that melted more ice during that encounter. We were able to converse more after that smile.

We began talking about things that I don't remember anymore. Maybe it was too trivial so it didn't earn spaces in my memory banks. But I do remember smiling because I was talking to the man I love.

Not long after, we parted ways since we both have work the next morning. I hopped on a jeepney and proceeded straight home.

Painful memories can stir things inside you. But for this instance, it was a happy memory. A happy memory that lead to not so happy memories. But then again, I was reminded of this when we talked about that particular park in Navotas.

It is a scar of yester-years but it is somehow a treat it visit... Why? Because it reminds me that how I became strong enough to stand on my own. To stand when there was not even ground to step on. A major part of me has moved on. But that tiny speckle of my heart still weeps everytime I remember events during that time.

I guess it still begs for closure.

Dear Reverend Marvin,

Alam mo ba Rev, unang beses palang kitang nakita, nanginig na sa kilig yung pancreas ko. Opo Rev, hindi ka nagkakamali ng basa, PANCREAS KO TALAGA YUNG KINILIG! Nagbabasa ka pa nun ng Gospel. Nakangiti ka pa nga nun habang nagbabasa eh. Ako naman, parang tangang nililipad na sa alapaan dahil sa angelic mong smile.


Nasilayan nalang kita muli nang ikaw yung magbasa ng Gospel para kay Pope nung mass sa Manila Cathedral. Medyo chubby chubby ka na ha. Haha! Pero pogi pa din. Kaya ayun, nag-overload na naman sa kilig yung pancreas ko. Close up na close up kasi yung mukha mo. Para akong hihimatayin twing pinagmamasdan ko ang maamo mong mukha. Ang gwapo gwapo mo kasi talaga Rev! Para kang anghel na bumuba sa lupa! Nakakaloka!

Kanina naman sa mass sa Quirino Grandstand, ayun ka, nakaupo sa tabi ni Archbishop Tagle. Ang lapit lapit mo kay Pope, isang mashonders na sakristan lang ang pagitan nyo. Kaya twing naka-wide shot yung stage, kitang kita kita na naka-Amen position yung kamay mo. Nanlalambot yung tuhod ko pagnakaganung tindig ka. Anghel ka talaga. Anghel ka talaga sa paningin ko. Para akong nakainom ng ecstasy pag nagpapanning yung camera at nahahagip ka. Sigaw ako ng sigaw na mukhang lokaret na haliparot. Lalo na nung si Archbishop Tagle na yung nagsasalita sa mic, antagal nakatutok ng camera sayo. Nonchalant ka lang nun, halatang nakikinig sa sinasabi ni Cardinal. Ughhhh grabeh! Sasabog ata yung pancreas ko nung mga oras na yun!

Haaay Reverend Marvin! Sabihin mo lang, magreresign ako para maging secretary mo for life! Super love you po!

Ang iyong Inhinyera Dyosa,

Whilhelmina

During Tankage Inventory, the surveyors partnered with me are amazed that I am able to predict the time that we will finish with the activity accurately. No matter if they are senior or newbie surveyor, I can easily project our finishing time.

It's actually no biggie. I simply use an estimation method that I developed during college. I christened it with a fancy name, FAR SIGHT PROJECTION.

I first used this estimation technique during my second year in college. I was assigned as a tour guide for our freshmen. It was really a half day affair but we managed to do it in under 2 hours. We went against the flow of tour teams. We entered every building that can be toured first before we began the perimeter tour. I made that unique plan because of my experience the previous year with our tour. There was a bottleneck last year in the Main Building museum and the Botanical Garden. This became one of my considerations during the planning stage. I also considered the amount of sunshine during the timeframe. Who wants to walk under the scorching sun right?

Ever since then, I began perfecting this estimation method... While doing experiments during lab subjects... Long calculations in quizzes... Travel time from home to school, from Tan Yan Kee to Engineering...

Bit by bit, I refined my estimation technique until I finally concluded these criteria to make my estimation accurate:

1. I must have a prior experience with the activity at hand.
   
2. Certain variables must be incorporated with the estimation algorithm depending on the activity.
   
3. If I'm a variable, I can control the circumstance to make the estimation more favorable.
   
4. Unexpected factors may delay or advance the estimation.
   

For the 1st criterion, I should have experienced and at least understood how the activity works. Or else, I will have difficulty in learning the activity and estimating at the same time.

For the 2nd one, every activity has its own set of variables to be considered. Like for the Tankage Inventory, I estimate the immersion time per tank plus the travel time to get to the tank and just take the sum of the individual estimations. Sounds hard? Well, not exactly. Since some of the tanks are usually the same height so we can assume the same immersion time for them. Immersion time will also differ if they are black or white products. Immersion time is actually Time for Perimeter check plus Time for stair usage times two plus Time for Sampling and Gauging.

For the 3rd criterion, I can adjust the estimation time on my judgement if I am one of the variables. Going back with our example of Tank Inventory, I can hasten our time if I walk faster in between tanks and do the perimeter check faster or slower depending on the situation.

For the 4th one, this is tricky since I will only know the added variable on the spot. Like when it rains, it extends our immersion time or when the service takes time to fetch us, our travel time suffers. But of course if a tank is unexpectedly under maintenance, it's a plus for us! whahahha!

But in general, I have a 3% error based on experience with my estimations. This is very handy since dabble in events planning and training module creation.

The night after watching English Only Please, I reflected on the movie's impact in my psyche. I guess the movie just hit too close to home particularly with Tere. Tanga rin kasi ako eh...

Ewan ko ba. Just like her, I become too attached with certain people. An attachment that was not requested nor required. I just acted on my own and treat these people dearly. I take care of these people, serve them with everything that I have. Even at the cost of my own money, even happiness. I sometime question if what I'm doing is right. Should I really sacrifice my time and resources just for them? What I get from all of this?

But every time I'm on the edge of letting them go, these people do something that will make me feel I am important to them. And because of my attachment, I go back to serving them.

This is maybe a rant on my part, but sometimes, I just want them to appreciate me more. I don't mean that they need to do the same things as I do but more on the little things like texting, messaging. Actually, one of the reason why I get lonely is because I don't get feedback from them. And this will sound cliche, sometimes, I only hear from them when they need something.

TANGA, ako yan kasi kahit ganoon na nga, tuloy pa din ako sa kahibangan ko. I cherish them but they don't cherish me back.

Ang sad noh?

Last December 17, 2014 was the date we celebrated our Refinery's Xmas party. In my mind, it was just another major Refinery program. But I had my rags pulled under me when I realized it was a big thing for everyone.

I was the party's floor director/program manager. I make sure that the programs go smoothly. I advise the hosts if there will be any intermission or if there are changes with regard to the program itself. I was situated left of the stage during the whole program except when I was running to the backstage or shouting near the badminton court for pasaway contestants.

After our Ms. PBR Bebot 2014 was crowned, it's as if a huge weight was lifted from my back.

"TAPOS NAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!", I exclaimed on the top of my lungs beside the stage.

The crowning ceremony signaled the end of my duties as floor director. I immediately went to the backstage and got my things. Before I went home, I mingled a bit with the remaining crowd which consists of mostly engineers plus our VP and some of members of the PBR Ladies Circle. I gave my things a quick shove to a chair and immediately joined the photo-ops.

It was during this time that our VP congratulated me for a job well done. His wife also said the same thing and that she enjoyed the night. Of course I accepted their congratulations very graciously and also gave my thanks before quietly slipping out to go home.

The next morning during pour debriefing session with HR about the event, we received emails congratulating our team for a job well done. In the general, our employees really enjoyed the night and were really grateful to have attended the party. As part of the organizers, one can only be proud and happy that people appreciate what you did. Because that was the exact objective of the program, that is to entertain people and somehow have them forget about the stresses in our workplace.

Two of the most important congratulatory messages came from two people whom I look up to in the Refinery, Tita Bong and Sir Eli V. I guess they are what you call our "seniors", our "predecessors" in the Refinery. It was because of them that people like us are treated equally in the Refinery. That our gender identity is not a question of our technical and creative prowess. That's why I nearly cried when Tita Bong mentioned that he can now retire because he knows the Refinery is in good hands, program-wise.

During our Division Party, when our VP took the mic for his Xmas party address, I was shocked when he first asked everyone to clap for the appreciation of my hardwork during our ONE PBR Xmas Party. There I was sitting in front, since I was also the program manager for the party, scratching my head in embarrassment while everyone was clapping.

To tell you honestly, people are just making take credit for everything when the program itself was a combination of creative juices and sweat-toiled hardwork by HR; I am especially mentioning Anna Marie Eugenio who was the overall in charge of the program.

During the preparation stage, I was in charge of the BEBOT rehearsals from ramp to intermission number. I researched and mixed the songs for it. Given the limited time that we have, we were only able to practice thrice. I also supervised though not consistently, the New Hires Presentation. Actually, I was just making sure if they follow it the choreography. I mixed the songs for the Petron Sessionistas performance. Those performers were so demanding with their pieces! KALOKA!

The other parts of the program were assigned to other HR associates with Ate Venice taking charge of the widely successful Audio Visual Presentation, just to her acknowledge her hardwork. The lynch pin to all of us was Anna Marie who handled everything else.

So please, give that girl the recognition she deserves. SHE EFFING DESERVES IT!