Sometimes there is a part of me that rises from the depths of my inner being. I forcefully tried to hide it after the events that once more destroyed me. But now that it has come out, i guess I should into words my true feelings.

Do you remember the time that we rendezvous secretly to that coffee shop in Dinalupihan? I asked you a question and you choked on the answer. I kept asking you even when you drove me back to my place.

"Ano ba tong ginagawa natin?"

It's easy to discern that you have no answer to that question. It was just me trying to understand you. Trying to commensurate that after what you did to me, you have invited me to go and get coffee.

I was waiting for you to explain. I was waiting for you to say something. Hell. I was just waiting for you to tell me that you just don't want to let me go.

But nothing. Nothing.

Not accepting you back is one of the hardest decision for me. I changed my life so that it will revolve around you. I sacrificed too many and too soon so I can make a space for you in my life. And it boiled down to you telling me this line: "Hindi ko naman hiningi yung mga yon".

To accept you, is to understand you. But I cannot understand you. I tried my hardest and earnest to understand you but I learned the hard way that I cannot. I tried reasoning with you but it failed. I tried just emotionally understanding you, something I know I am good at, but still miserably failed.

Now in my moment of clarity, I want to tell you my earnest feelings.

Leave me alone.

I don't want you to be part of my life. I don't need you. I actively purged you from my life. I had my world revolve again without you in it. I purged connections from your friends that holds no importance in my life.

Just leave me alone. Do not try to talk to me. Do not drop by my FB or IG. I just don't want to be connected to you in any way.

I am happy without you.

That is my despodent solemn wish.

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