Kong mot welah kaung rao glup keun soo kwahm wahng bplao
Our time is up, we return to emptiness
Reuang rao tee mee kae rao tee roo gun tao nun
The stories that only we know
Mun gert jahk kwahm roo seuk reu bpen kae piang kon ngao
Did they happen because of feelings? Or was it only two lonely people
Tee mah jur gun
Who happened to meet?
(*) มันอาจไม่เรียกว่ารัก แต่มันดีพอให้ฉัน ลืมเธอไม่ลง
Mun aht mai riak wah ruk dtae mun dee por hai chun leum tur mai long
It might not have been love, but it was good enough for me to be unable to forget you
(**) แต่ความจริงคือฉันไม่ควรอยู่ตรงนี้ ต่อไป
Dtae kwahm jing keu chun mai kuan yoo dtrong nee dtor bpai
But the truth is I shouldn’t be here anymore
Meua roo tung roo wah tur mee kao tung jai
When I know full well that you have her with all your heart
Gor kae reuang kaung kon ngao tee mai mee wun dtor bpai
It’s just an issue of lonely people that will never continue
Soot tai laeo pit tee chun tee mun gert plur jai
In the end, it’s my fault for being careless
Kit teung dtae reuang meua keun
Thinking only of last night’s matters
Kwahm jing mun kuan dtaung jop kong mai mee tahng dtaung jep
In truth, it should be stopped, then there would be no way to get hurt
Mai gep ao reuang nun mah kit teung mun eek laeo
I shouldn’t hold on to those matters or think about them any more
เธออาจไม่ทันรู้สึก กับช่วงเวลาแค่นั้น ที่มาเจอกัน
Tur aht mai tun roo seuk gup chuang welah kae nun tee mah jur gun
You might not have felt anything at that moment we met
This particular song tells a story about a one night stand and certainly does not reflect my relationship with cobalt blue. But there's something about the title that resonates to me. It literary just happened in one night: The downward spiral of our relationship...
It's a big surprise how swiftly everything just went rogue. We just went out for a movie one Thursday evening, everything was fine. We ate in Sumo Sam. Everything just felt good and right. Then come Friday evening, we were nuking it out through texts. One accusing one of doing something against the other. We separated ways by Saturday.
It's already been a week since then. Of course, I have thought about everything that had transpired. I believe everything started when I was asking him what are we going to do in Pampanga. It was Friday and I was in San Fernando for an Official Business. We were scheduled to go there that Saturday since he invited me to go there the week prior. It was his way to make up to me since his parents did not permit him to join me in Tagaytay.
He mentioned that he just wanted to watch a movie there. I was berating him to look for more things to do because if all he wanted was to watch a movie, why do we need to go to Pampanga? (Vista Mall Bataan has movies showing) "Ikaw naman nag-aya neto.", I kept telling him because in my mind, it was him who wanted to go to Pampanga. So I figured he wanted to do something there that is not available in Bataan and I was pressing him to tell me what it is. He responded that what he planned in mind was just to watch a movie and I was just demanding things. Note: Everything he said is non-verbatim. I only read his message once and is only recalling it by memory. I have his message in my phone but I don't like to read it anymore. His response really blew my fuse especially combined with the hot climate in San Fernando that time...
I hastily replied that of course I have the right to demand! I am giving him my time even though there are many people who are asking for it. He is my priority! I am always trying so hard to fit everything in my schedule so that I can give ample time to everyone! I just don't want to waste my time. I have sacrificed other lakads for this!
He replied that I was nagging him about my time and he didn't ask for it. Gawd, I was getting all the more frustrated with our exchange then. I replied that he's important to me that's why he is my priority and that I am not nagging him about my time, I simply want him to understand where I'm coming from. He replied claiming something about me being selfish for the time that I am asking. He mentioned something about him lacking the time to spend at home and having no time to speak with his parents. Which I countered with what I have always telling him, he was the one who invited me to go to Pampanga in the first place! He countered that he does not know Pampanga very well since he doesn't always go to the place. He kept insisting that I am the only one demanding to do things because his original invite was only for a movie.
In the end, I relented. I said it's fine if it was only a movie and provided some choices for other activities. Like the new cafe I saw by the intersection; That Buffet that we always eat to; etc. I remember I texted those while I was enroute back to Bataan. After a while, I was already crying in the bus. I was just told I was demanding and selfish by that one person I care about the most. It really took a blow on me. I couldn't accept those allegations especially coming from him.
When I arrived at our office, I broke down. I couldn't bare the pain anymore. His words pierced right through me. Good thing I was alone and was able to really let it out. I cried a good cry then went all serious. I started typing very long texts. I answered all his claims about my selfishness, my being demanding, and some other things. I mentioned that all I wanted was bit of his time because that's all what he can offer me. I asked him if he still wanted to be in this. I reminded him that I asked him before and he said it was okay with it. I defended myself that whatever issues that he has with his parents, I'm out of it. Ever since I knew that he's getting scolded when he gets home late, I make it a point that our affairs are only until 8PM. And that all our Manila trips at most are overnight only. If he feels he doesn't talk to his parents that much then he should initiate the conversation since he's staying with them at home. I sent the texts around 10PM and then went home.
I woke up around 2AM and read his replies to my texts. He started with that he may continue the debate and he will just end up at the losing side. He should be the one in control of his life and that he cannot meet me halfway anymore. He said he wanted to go back to the time that he was alone. So that I will not be sad and cry anymore in the office. He points out that I cry in the office and everyone knows it's because of him. His last message was not to proceed to our trip to Pampanga. Of course that devastated me, again, like I said, I sacrificed other events just to go on this trip to Pampanga with him.
I replied to his message that I will respect what he has told me in those texts and as my last request, let's proceed to Pampanga. After that, I texted my partner-in-crime with a message telling her that the #TimeLimit has been set.
I went back to sleep with a heavy heart. Honestly, it wasn't that much of a sleep because I kept waking up every fifteen minutes.
I understand that I may have been the trigger to this. Especially that I kept berating him that he was the one who invited me. On my end, as I mentioned, I just wanted to know what will transpire with our little trip. It's not like he's the one paying for everything. I need to know how much will be our projected expenses so I can sweep it in my budget.
And the things that he mentioned against me, being selfish, being demanding, being the one in control of his life. Ha! I have given nothing but options to him. I always base my decisions to him. I let him decide because I wanted someone deciding for me for a change. That is except for things that I know he needed, like the X-ray for his injuries, blood chem, and Rehab Med consultation. Doctors orders. No buts.
I am out with his dilemma with his parents. Why is he pinning that on me?
Time is important to me as I always have tons of things to do. I set them aside because he is important to me. And it seems he doesn't understand that part. Yeah, the part that he's important to me. Sad noh?