Deep inside I knew.

I knew that my time with him was just borrowed time. It's something I cannot just demand. That's why when he promises to be with me, I was stubborn to a fault to make it happen no matter what. If we cannot do it on the agreed time and date, I was very much amicable for a postponement but never a cancellation.

I guess in my mind, that was the only thing that he can give me. TIME.

If you are privy in my life, you know that my time is an utmost precious resource. I handle multiple items at the same time hence the moniker "Time is gold", holds true in my case. Whenever we will go out, I have to go out of my way and clear that schedule so we can do it. That means I need to finish items more quickly or postpone them just to give myself some time.

"Di ko naman hiningi yan!". His messaged echoed through my mind as I read through it. Well true, he didn't ask for it directly but it was the consequence of the times we went out. He said this when I told him that I skipped through important events of my life just to make our little trip happen. On my end, I just want him to understand why it pisses me off since I already sacrificed some things and then he'll bail on me. BUt I guess, no amount of explanation will go through the mind of a child. It resounded to him in a different way as if I'm nagging him. Big surprise there.

Today is the anniversary of the time we first spent the night together in a hotel room. No. Nothing happened between us.

I DID NOT DO ANYTHING.

Being a sapiosexual that I am, I wanted to make a deeper connection with him first. After that night, there were times that I found myself aroused after just a face to face conversation with him. I guess he intrigued me.

But now, I am wondering, what if I gave him another way to repay me? What if, on our first night, I went ahead and toyed with his body? Would our bond have ended there ? Would have bond became stronger? Would our fight about time have been averted?

I am not a sexual maniac that would require him to sleep with me everytime. I loved him more than that. But maybe if I was given something that I can hold on to, I wouldn't have been so obsessed in always having some time with him.

"What? Like a monthly deposit of sperm?" a flash thought of my aggressive side.

Well, I guess I'm fine with it. If it would have gave me something to look forward to, why not?

But that is all in the past now. I learned my lesson. No more people like this in my life. But I will still settle for a boytoy! hahahah!

Sometimes there is a part of me that rises from the depths of my inner being. I forcefully tried to hide it after the events that once more destroyed me. But now that it has come out, i guess I should into words my true feelings.

Do you remember the time that we rendezvous secretly to that coffee shop in Dinalupihan? I asked you a question and you choked on the answer. I kept asking you even when you drove me back to my place.

"Ano ba tong ginagawa natin?"

It's easy to discern that you have no answer to that question. It was just me trying to understand you. Trying to commensurate that after what you did to me, you have invited me to go and get coffee.

I was waiting for you to explain. I was waiting for you to say something. Hell. I was just waiting for you to tell me that you just don't want to let me go.

But nothing. Nothing.

Not accepting you back is one of the hardest decision for me. I changed my life so that it will revolve around you. I sacrificed too many and too soon so I can make a space for you in my life. And it boiled down to you telling me this line: "Hindi ko naman hiningi yung mga yon".

To accept you, is to understand you. But I cannot understand you. I tried my hardest and earnest to understand you but I learned the hard way that I cannot. I tried reasoning with you but it failed. I tried just emotionally understanding you, something I know I am good at, but still miserably failed.

Now in my moment of clarity, I want to tell you my earnest feelings.

Leave me alone.

I don't want you to be part of my life. I don't need you. I actively purged you from my life. I had my world revolve again without you in it. I purged connections from your friends that holds no importance in my life.

Just leave me alone. Do not try to talk to me. Do not drop by my FB or IG. I just don't want to be connected to you in any way.

I am happy without you.

That is my despodent solemn wish.

Eksena:

"Ugh! Fuck! Shet! OOOH!!! FOOTAH!!!! ah shet! PUTANG INA!!! erggg! arggh!!! fucker! AH! FUCK!!!

This is me while...


...climbing up the stairs in MRT Ayala Station. Internally lang naman. Para akong binoborjack! Whahhahah!!!

Still have body pains from dance class Sunday.

Teacher El-John's class: Upo upo ikot ikot tribal-ish medyo dancehall choreo.
Equals: Leg painsssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!

Teacher Sherwin's class: Drop on th efloow in lounge position, left leg extended to the right, hips up.
Equals: Right hip pain due to wrong torsion.

Huhuhu!! PAAAAAAAAAAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

It began to rain when I was still in my guilty pleasure place. I started to walk towards the main highway so I can ride a jeep home.

Since it was a long jeepney ride home, I started browsing my FB account to pass up the time. It was there that I found out that the results of the recent Mechanical Engineering Board Exam were just released. This was evidenced by a slew of congratulatory posts in my FB feed. It's not that I care about him still, but my curiosity got better of me...

A few presses on my phone then a mighty long press of the enter key... Google populated the websites showing the results of the exam.

I chose the top link and I jumped to the website. I began skimming all the 'A' surnames until I reached the last one. His surname was nowhere to be found. "Guess he failed.", I surmised. But still there was a part of me that was skeptical. "Baka naman hindi sya nagexam?"

So just to quell my doubts, I searched for the room assignment link in google. I downloaded the pdf file containing the information that I need. The first file I got was the assignments in the Manila venue. His name was not there. Moving on the 2nd file, I checked the Baguio venue and instantly I saw his name.

"BAGSAK! BOOM!"

I just want to echo what I said in the last time he failed. "Hindi mo ako pedeng sisihin dyan. Wala akong ginagawa. Wala na kaming kuneksyon."

NOT MY FAULT.

DIVINATION OF ABYSMAL FUTURE

It has been less than a year from my transfer from the Magical Personnel Education to the Elemental Atmosphere Section. Our team of brilliant wizards and witches have endured many challenges such as the unexpected deluge of the dark blood of earth in town, subsequent escape of spirits of unbound soil, persistence of olfactory cloud menace, uprising of the canine anthromorphs due to the spread of descentiant firecake in which they claim they were allergic to, among others.I am very much happy of what had transpired with my career as a superbly talented young witch.

Until an image flashed in my mind...

It was a scene of despair. People around were burdened and pained. There were no tears in their eyes but their faces show sadness in its zenith. Though it showed a seemingly organized and managed space, not a single soul dwells in the image. People have no energy. People have no souls. It was an image of utter unhappiness in its perfect form.

I was gasping for air after the vision ended. Cold bullets of sweat firing rapidly on my face. It was a horrible vision. That was caused my innate ability, Fact Flash.

Some people can read other people's minds with ease. Some change their appearance at will. Mine? I see the future. It's not entirely clear, but as soon as I hear a fact, an image will flash in my mind. A scene from the future that will 100% happen if I don't do anything to prevent it. It's not your conventional prophecy like the one being thought in Divination class. I remember our Muggle Studies Professor discussing a somewhat related phenomenon with Muggles, they call it a "hunch". Instead of being shown flashes of the future, they feel a strong belief that something is going to happen.

The fact that I heard that triggered my ability was that an Inquisitor shall be assigned in between our Office's Branch. I shared my vision with my partner and warned her that it is best that we escape from the ministry as soon as this happens. It was a depressing vision. One that will destroy our status quo. One that will eat our souls one by one.