There are so much things to think about when you can't sleep at night. I felt as though my life was on a stand still. I mean, it seemed it suddenly stopped moving. I feel like I don't want to do anything besides just lie down and think. My sleepless week gave me the opportunity to think about what I want to do in my life. I've decided to move forward.

I'm moving forward, and I'm leaving all my frustrations behind. I will leave them all and never look back. I may have to sacrifice things or persons important to me. But I think it would be for myself. It would be for the betterment of myself, my personality, and my self-esteem.

Goodbye old disappointments! I have tank you for the longest time. But I must say Thank you for if it weren't for you, I would never have been strong. Goodbye! Goodbye! I'm saying goodbye to this special person. Although I can shout to the world how much this person means to me, I just have to let him go. This is for me. This is for him. This is for the both us. But more importantly, this is for the myself.

I will not sacrifice anymore for the sake of others. I am no saint. I will not tolerate anyone to use me anymore. It seems that being benevolent has its a very grave downside. This change will be a radical one because I'm normally benevolent, but every change can be done if done the right way. I will take baby steps to accomplish my goal. This is it. This is finally it. Freedom from resentment. Freedom from disappointment. Freedom from blame. Freedom from misery not caused by myself.

What I want is to be treated as a gay. It seems as though everyone treats me as straight but I'm not. I am gay. I'm just not the usual gay around Tondo. I need a friend who can treat me that way. Who knows how to treat a person who's inbetween sexes. But I'm moving forward. I'm going to withdraw my emotional investment to these male friends. I think I have suffered enough, so I'm moving forward.

On we go! To the future! March forward to this uncertain future!