I watched Legally Blonde the Musical twice last weekend. Thank God for Youtube I was able to watch it. Watching my favorite movie turned into a musical was just a delight. I watched Legally Blonde starring Reese Witherspoon for, oh, like gazillion times! And with this download of the musical, I'm sure it will be played numerous times here in my laptop. But this post is not about the musical per se. This post is about how much I relate to the lead, Ms. Elle Woods.

No no no... I do not relate to her about the looks, the brains, the fashion, and the wealth. I relate to her about her outlook about LOVE. That she did her best to try to get back the love that she thinks is perfect for her, and eventually found a new one. The one that is perfect for her.

At this point in my life, I have loved, not just once, but multiple times. Some of these developed into a more feasible and everlasting relationship called friendship. Some failed, I crashed and burned because I loved too much. These failed relationships made me who I am today. The strong willed individual who can take care of himself. But of course, with all the positive effects of these failures, come the scars that haunt me even today.

In the story of Legally Blonde the Musical, there are primarilly two men in Elle's Law School life: Warner Huntington III and Emmet Forrest. Warner, Elle's "True Love" and the primary reason why she did her best to get to Harvard Law School. And then we have Emmet, the geeky support system and dear friend.

I relate to Elle in such a way that I think I found the right person for me. He's smart, cool, and has a high sense of justice and goodness in him. He's MY Prince Charming. But the scars from my past relationships are giving me doubts. Will he accept me for who I am? Will he be able to take on the challenge of living with an alternative lifestyle? Will he strive to make the relationship last? Haunting questions that only he can answer.

Is he Warner? The guy who looks at the outside, who will look at my plump body and say that we are no match for each other because of it? The guy who says his life is planned out for him? He is male and therefore cannot have a relationship with another male? The guy who will always go at the safe side because that is where the easily life is?

Or is he Emmet? The guy who sees all the positive in me. The guy who will see pass through my 1st line of defense. The guy who inspires me to do what I am capable of doing and make me a better person.

I don't know. Maybe I was just hurt too much before. Well, that's how I love. I love the person completely, With all my heart, body, and soul.

Deep in my heart I wish that he will be Emmet. I love him. I really really love him. I love him so much I think about him every second that I am breathing. Sounds familiar right? But, that's how much I love him.

But regardless of what I feel for him, I really don't have any idea if we can be more than friends. I have no doubt that we can be great friends. That's good too but I really want our relationship to be more than just great friends.

This is not the 1st time that I felt good about loving someone. The 1st time was with MONSTER. And if you have read that period in my life that I was in love with that MONSTER, I'm sure you know that I was the only one who got hurt. I spiralled to a pit of loneliness. I was left shattered and broken behind a veil of secret. Even now, I still don't know the reason why I was left to rot alone with all the promises and dreams we both made.

Honestly, I'm scared. That this again is just make-believe. A false dream that I am dreaming alone. I want to ask him but I am scared that I will be rejected once again. Who is not anyway? You can add more bar to my emotional scar scoreboard if that happens. But I guess, if I won't make a move I will forever be in this stand-still.