There was a problem in my blog the last time. There was another blogpost gadget in the right pane. So I Exported my post. Deleted my old blog and created a new one, then imported my posts. SO my Follower list is back to zero. So could you please Follow me again? hihi!!!

My friend JM was here yesterday and I ransacked his extra drive of music files. I stumbled upon his Eraserheads folder of songs. It was then that I remembered that I was humming a song during the course of my battle with superman. I know it's a song by the Eraserheads but I don't know the title. So I asked JM about and he said it was entitled, Pare ko. I immediately scanned all the files of that folder to search if he has a copy of it. Luckily there is! I copied it to my cellphone and it has been the song I've been playing all throughout the day!

Since I already memorized the lyrics from way back when, I sing along everytime. It had occurred to me that the refrain and chorus really say it all! whahahah! So I had this musing idea to replace some of the stanza lyrics so it will fit the recent event that had happen in my life. So here it is. But 1st try to listen to the original by the Great Eraserheads! Then if you want to know the story of this dyosa, sing along with my lyrics! Hihi!



Hey Marse
Parody of Pare ko by Eraserheads
edited by Inhinyera Dyosa Whilhelmina

Hey Marse Gurl meron akong problema
Yes yes sa boylet nanaman
Nain lab ako sa isang high school teacher
Hindi ko maintindihan
Wag na nating idaan sa maboteng usapan
Lalo lang madaragdagan ang sakit ng ulo at bilbil sa tiyan
Anong sarap
Kami'y naging magkaibigan
Napuno ako ng pag-asa
Yun pala haggang dun lang ang kaya
Akala ko ay pwede pa
(refrain)
Masakit mang isipin kailangang tanggapin
Kung kelan ka naging seryoso tsaka ka niya gagaguhin
(chorus)
O, diyos ko ano ba naman ito
Di ba tangina
nagmukha akong tanga
Pinaasa niya lang ako
Lecheng pag-ibig to-o-o-oh
O diyos ko ano ba naman ito

Sabi niya mahal nya daw ang dyosa
dehins makapaniwala
Di nagtagal nagbago sya ng bongga
Hanggang kaibigan nalang ang sabi nya
Bat ba ang labo niya
Di ko maipinta
Hanggang kelan sya ganyan ako ay nabuburat na

Pero minamahal ko siya-a-ha
Di biro
T.L. ako sa kanya
Alam kong nababaduyan ka na sa mga sinasabi ko
Pero sana naman ay maintindihan mo
Hey marse gurl meron ka bang maipapayo
Kung wala ay okey lang
Kailangan lang ay ang iyong pakikiramay
Andito ka ay ayos na
(Repeat refrain and chorus)

For all the heartaches that I had endured this passed week, I should be singing this song to him.



This song really encompasses what I should be feeling right now. The lyrics are right on target. Especially the chorus:

Bakit ikaw pa ang napili
Ngayon ang puso ko ay sawi
Kay simple lang ng aking hiling
Na madama mo rin ang pait at pighati

Sana’y magmilagro
Mabalik ko
Mali ay maiderecho
Pinagdarasal ko sa’king puso
Na mabura na sa isip ko

But this isn't really what I'm feeling. Like I said, I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. Somehow I am at fault at some point. Maybe my constant texting of him drove him angry to some extent. Nakulitan ba. Well, I was in the illusion that he loves me so you cannot really blame me. That's how I love. And now, that my angel has flown away. The only thing that I need to do is take care of myself.


the duality of his nature as a person is greatly represented by this picture

So instead of pointing fingers I would like to shout a message of hope for myself. And this song depicts the true essence of what I am feeling.



When I am playing this song, I always sing along with the Bridge!

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send down a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!

But reality check, I have already decided on the deadline for him to talk to me. If after that special day, he still hasn't forgiven me. I'll move on with my life. This is the last chance that I will give him. As his favorite author wrote:

"Bakit ka magpaparamdam sa taong hindi marunong makaramdam? Wag kang magpakatanga, sa taong hindi marunong magpahalaga. Matuto kang sumuko at mang-iwan, kung lagi ka namang sinasaktan.
Imbis na magtanong ka ng "Hindi pa ba sapat?" Bakit hindi mo na lang kalimutan ang lahat? Kung alam mong binabalewala ka na, tanggapin mong nagsasawa na sya.Wag kang magpadala sa salitang "sorry" at "ayokong mawala ka" kung totoo yun,patunayan nya."
-Bob Ong

I'll forget him, I'll forget everything. I'm sure I'll have the courage then to erase all his pictures in my cellphone. But for now, I'm still hoping for the best. And if that doesn't happen, I'll still be happy. At the very least, I didn't give up on him that easily.

Last night, my world tumbled down. Today, I am rebuilding it.
-Inhinyera Dyosa Whilhelmina

Last night was probably one of the most memorable nights in my life. I had a falling out with the person I loved most. There're actually a lot of issues. But it only boils down to one. He doesn't love me. No, I think this sounds more correct: He didn't love me...

After his dinner break, we resumed the conversation. The 1st part before the break, it was very warm and very friendly. But afterwards, it's a different story. I asked if he is still up for the HP 7.2 which we planned beforehand. He said they will have a parent orientation and that he needs to be prepared. 2nd disappointment. Its the 2nd because I already had one during the 1st part. Next, I asked if we will push through with our date next week. He said he can't say yes because he will be busy. 3rd disappointment. It will be embarrassing on his part if he will back out last minute. I said I don't understand. He countered with the statement that he will return the cds I lend him. He said that maybe I need them already. This time I was pretty pissed. I replied that I don't need them because I already watched all of them. He then said he will return the "Mga Munting Tinig" cd as well if I need it. He will just have his students watch another movie selection. My heart sank. 4th disappointment. I know that he loves that movie, and he told me that he wants to have his students watch it, as well as his co-teachers. I recognize a rejection tactic when I see one. Well to give him credit, I think he didn't realize that that is what he was doing.

I asked him the question I asked him before through text during the course of this lachrymose week. "Do you love me?" I asked him eagerly. He said he doesn't want to hurt me further. I replied by saying so No? He said he tried but he's still hesitating. So really no? I said sternly. He said that He can only love me as a friend. I told him that he shouldn't have told me that he really loves me because I was already contented with our friendship back then. He admitted its his fault. I babbled for a while. You know, the usual stuff. He said that he will take in any insult I will call him. But I didn't do that. Basically because I wasn't mad.

Then, the last part of our conversation. I admitted to him that I hacked his yahoo mail account. Well, since he doesn't want to tell me what his problem is, I know I had to find it out for myself. No hope from his BFFs because I think they are busy as well with their lives. He became angry. I felt it. I felt the intensity of his messages towards me. I asked forgiveness for like a hundred times. But I know that it will fall on deaf ears because he's already mad. I know that he's too sensitive, and that he will not listen to anything that I will say. He said he will return all the stuff I lent him and all the things that I gave. Of course, I pleaded that he not do that. I gave those stuff as a token of friendship to him. I gave them to him when I still has no malice towards our relationship. Afterwards, he's gone.

This is my official statement regarding my act of hacking his yahoo mail account. I will not defend myself to the core. But I will say this, I know that what I did was wrong. I actually felt conscientious after doing the act. He wasn't planning on telling me what his problems were so I decided to go through with this. But please bear in mind that I was in the image that he loves me, and with desperation of knowing what his real problems were were growing. I resulted to such an act. Again, I really felt bad about this. Please don't judge me by this act alone. I love him, that's why I did it.

Even though he played me, I am still not mad at him. Because I already knew the answer to my question a week before he answered them last night. My instincts were shouting like mad that he doesn't love me. I just chose to ignore it because I trusted his words that he loved me. I add the fuel every day so that I will not become too weary. I just asked him last night for formality. So that there will be a reason to believe logically that he doesn't love me. 5th disappointment. I'm disappointed that my instincts were correct all along.

Earlier, I texted another message to him. It's about resetting to the time before he told me he loved me the 1st time. I told him that that was the happiest days of my life. If it wouldn't be such a burden I would like to revert to that particular time. I begged practically for this one. I know that I don't want to part with him, our friendship is important to me. I told him before that our friendship is more important than my feelings. I would do anything to salvage it. As of now he hasn't replied yet.

I know it would take a while before he can forgive for the thing that I did. He closed his world to me right now. But I am optimistic that he will learn to forgive me. He's sensitivity is somehow the sign of him being stubborn and I understand that because we are the same on that aspect. I just wish that by the time that he realize how important I am to him, I haven't moved on yet. I may be understanding, but I am not a saint.

For now, I feel very much light. It feels as though a heavy baggage has been lifted. I didn't cry at all today and I just thought of him while I was writing my message. Maybe this is it. This is the best for the both of us. I just saddened that I wasn't able to meet his two BFFs in person. Somehow I think I have connected to them, at it would have been nice to get to know them.

Anyway, as for now, I am happy. Happy that I finally had the truth that I deserved. Happy cause I know everything will be alright.

a dyosa's instinct is never wrong

sabi ko na nga ba.

June 9, 2011, Thursday, 2:31PM
Nagfefezbukelya ang lola nyo nang maalala na may event si White Knight na pupuntahan. Alam ko magpeperform sya dun. Tinext ko sya, sinabi ko na gusto kong makita sya sumayaw, gusto ko makita yung pinagpaguran nya. Hindi ko pa nga sure kung ngayon ba yun o kahapon.

3:23PM
May naisip na kaekekan ang dyosang ito! Eh kung puntahan ko sya dun? Gusto ko na ibigay sa kanya yung uwi ko galing Bulacan. Gustong^∞ gusto ko sya makita. Not necessarily makausap. Basta gusto ko lang sya makita. Gusto ko lang maassess in my own four eyes yung kalagayan nya. Hindi na nya ako kelangan kausapin, basta gusto kong sabihin sa kanya, na naiintindihan ko na sya at hihintayin ko sya.

Dali dali kong niconfirm kung ngayon nga ba yung date nung affair na yun, since alam ko sa Cuneta Astrodome sya, nicheck ko agad yung schedule ng events dun. Nicheck ko muna yung kahapon, aba wala. Tapos yung ngayon, at ayun, naalala ko na yung name nung event. Alam ko yun yung sinabi nya saken nun. Sabi dun sa page, 12:30PM - 7:00 PM yun event. Medyo maaga pah kung aalis nako. So naisipan kong mga 5:30 na umales. Para saktong 7:00 andun nako.

5:28PM
Umalis nako. Super mega lakad ako papuntang sakayan ng jeep. Dahil fan ako ng Charmed, nagcast ako ng spell. Edited version ito kasi ito ay may specific purpose.

Search North South East and West
For one who has left my humble nest
Search land and sea and sky above
Lead me now to the one I love

Habang naglalakad din, nagdadasal din ako. "Lord, sana po magkita kami. Kailangan po makita ko sya. Gusto ko po syang makita. Lord please, mahal na mahal ko po sya..."

Mega sakay na sa jeep. Medyo mabagal yung jeep na nasakyan ko, palibhasa kasi walang mga enforcer. Pag dating sa Tayuman LRT, baba agad ako at umakyat sa station ng LRT. Bumili ako ng ticket papuntang Libertad. At sakto may dumating na Train, walang laman! Dali dali akong sumakay at umupo! Umupo ako ng diretso. Stoic. Nakatingin lang sa harap. Pero sa isip ko, nagdadasal pa din ako na sana makita ko sya. Mega emote ako sa train. As in. Megang mega emote to the point na maluha luha nako.

6:15
Dumating na ang train sa Libertad. Bumaba ako agad. Akala ko may jeep na may byaheng papuntang Cuneta Astrodome, un pala wala. So naglakad nalang ako from LRT to Cuneta Astrodome. Habang naglalakad, bumubulong ako na kailangan ko syang makita, gustong gusto ko syang makita. May nasalubong ako na mga nakaputi. Parepareho yung suot. "Shit! Tapos na yung program!". Napabilis ang lakad ko ng di oras. Halos nagsasalita nako in normal volume ng voice ko. "Lord! malapet nako! Siya nalang ang kulang! Lord! Gusto ko syang makita!", Paulit ko yang sinasabi habang naglalakad ng mabilis.

6:20
Dumating nako sa kanto ng jollibee at 7-11. Tinanong ko yung mga nakaupong mga nakapula kung tapos na ba yung program. Oo daw. Dali dali akong pumunta sa mga parking spaces. Tinitignan ko kung merong sasakyan na andun sya o kaya yung mga inarkilang jeep na malapit sa lugar nila yung nakasulat sa side. Wala. Pumunta ako sa gates ng Cuneta. Napansin kong may mga tao pa sa loob. Napagpasyahan ko na bumili muna ng tubig sa malapet na 7-11. Tubig 13php. Tinext ko sya. Kung andun pa ba sya sa Cuneta. Nagsend ako ng limampiso. Hindi sya nagreply. Lumabas ako ng 7-11 at babalik na sa entrance ng Cuneta. Habang naglalakad, naisipan kong tawagan sya. Nagring. Pero waley sumagot.

6:32
Pagkabalik ko sa entrance, naglalabasan na yung mga tao. Mukhang kakasimula palang ng exodus palabas ng building. Tumayo ako dun malapet sa side entrance. Nagcoconcentrate akong mamukhaan sya. andming taong lumalabas, nakikigulo pa yung mga pulubing pilit hinihingi yung free food nung mga participants. Grabeh super dami. Akala ko natapos na. May 2nd batch pa pala. Exodus mode ulet yung mga tao. Hindi nako makapagdasal kasi nagcoconcentrate ako. Tinatawagan ko yung cellphone nya ng ilang beses. May sumasagot pero background noises lang. Meron ding twice na nicancel yung call ko.

Naubos na yung 2nd wave pero hindi ko sya nakita. Napansin kong may lumalabas din sa Main Gate habang nageexodus yung 2nd wave. Since wala nang lumalabas sa side entrance. Lumipat ako sa main. Naubos na din yung mga lumalabas. Kaya naisipan ko na din umalis.

7:02
Home Bound

---

Paxenxa na at nawalan nako ng gana magsulat dun sa 7:02. yun kasi yung time na sinabi nya saken na hindi nya ako mahal. So ayun. FYI, ang isususlat ko sana dun, dun unang lumabas yung smile sa face ko. Isang napakatunay na kaligayahan ang nararamdaman ko habang nakasakay sa jeep papuntang Divisoria. Kasi, nagawa ko yung bagay na yun, kaya masasabi kong mahal na mahal ko nga sya. Oh well... ganun ang life!

Sa isang linggong nagdaan, tatlong beses ko nang naisipang i-let go ang pinakamamahal ko. Sabi ko nga dati, alam ko na ang kasunod nang istoryang ito. Puro sakit at dalamhati. Pero nagugulat ako kasi sa tuwing nagiging firm na yung desisyon ko na iwan na sya, laging may nangyayari na nagpapabago sa isip ko.

1st Instance
Unang beses ko naisip yun nung sinabi nya na "Hindi ikaw yung wilbert na kilala ko". Minsan ko na nga lang ipakita yung yung tunay na ako, nireject pa ng pinakamamahal ko. Haaay buhay! Kung kilala mo kasi ako in person, masasabi mong medyo strong yung personality ko. Pero para kasi saken, hindi ko dapat ipakilala yung tunay na ako sa kahit kanino lang. Iyakin talaga ako, mabilis masaktan, at super stubborn. Nung tinext ko sya na kailangan ko sya tapos nireplyan nya ako ng ganun, parang gumuho yung mundo ko. Kaya parang sabi ko, "ayoko nah, I've been this road before. Magpapakatanga nanaman ba ako?". Pagkatapos ng ilang hours of self-pity. Naisip ko na humingi ng tulong sa mga BFFs nya. Sabi ko pa nga, "kung saken ayaw nya magpatulong sigurado ako hindi sya makakahindi sa mga bestfriends nya." Nagcompose ako ng message na naglalaman ng lahat ng nalalaman ko at nararamdaman. Sinabi ko sa kanila na mahal na mahal ko yung kaibigan nila. Na nasasaktan akong nagkakaganun sya. Na sana kausapin nila sya para kung anu man yung problema nya, hindi nya haharapin mag-isa. After nun, napag-isip isip ko na bigyan muna sya ng chance. "Kelangan mo nalang mag-intay Dyosa kung makakatulong ba tong ginawa mo para sa kanya".

2nd Instance
Dumating yung 2nd instance na gusto ko na maggive up kasi hindi pa din nagrereply saken yung mga minessage ko. Ang bilis ko talaga maparanoid pag broken hearted. Medyo hindi naman din sya kasi nagsabi eh. Isa pa kasi sa ayoko eh yung uncertainty. Kaya ko pa ng mga 70% pero yung wala talagang pasabi na ganun ung mangyayari, nakakalog yung utak ko. Eh mahal na mahal ko pa naman sya, kaya pag hindi sya nakikipagcommunicate saken, feeling ko hindi na nya ako mahal. Naniniwala kasi ako na ang pagmamahal may tatlong sangkap: communication, trust, understanding. Love Triumvirate ang tawag sa tatlong yan. Pag nawala yung isa, wala nang love. Pero nung medyo nag-eemo nako ng mega mega, nagreply yung lalaki nyang BFF saken. Ayun, binigyan naman nya ako ng assurance na gagawan nila ng action yun. "Tiis lang dyosa, tiis lang...", sabi ko nalang sa sarili ko.

3rd Instance
Hindi pa nag-twe-24 hours eh eto nanaman ang drama ko. Ayaw ko na talaga ng puso ko ipagpatuloy pa ito. Sumisigaw naman yung utak ko na itigil ko na daw yung kabaliwan ko. Bakit daw ba pilit akong naniniwalang mahal na mahal nya ako eh sinabi lang naman nya yun, hindi naman nya pinaparamdam? Gulong gulo na talaga yung isip at damdamin ko nung araw na yun. Hindi ako makapag-isip ng diretso kasi nga broken hearted pako. Out of the blue, may nagmessage saken sa Facebook, yung BFF naman nya na gurl. Sinabi nya saken na wala daw akong dapat alalahanin kasi strong naman daw sya at kinakaya lahat. Magjoin force daw sila ni male BFF para kausapin siya. "Dyosa, mahal na mahal mo sya dba? hindi ka papayag na mawala sya? Go na dyosa! kaya mo yan!"

It's funny. Humingi ako ng tulong sa kanila para matulungan sya, tapos they ended up helping me instead! Wahhahaha!! Dahil sa overwhelming support na hindi ko sya iwan, nagdecide na ako na titiisin ko muna yung ugali nyang ganyan. Paulit ulit nako pero, mahal na mahal ko talaga yung lalaking yan. Malulungkot ako ng sobra pag nawala sya sa buhay ko.

Sana after this drama, maging masaya kaming dalawa...

Hanggang ngayon, gulong gulo pa din yung isip ko sa nangyayari. Wala pa din akong idea kung anu ba talaga ang dahilan kung bakit sya nagkakaganun. Halos mabaliw nko sa kakaisip. Pero sabi ko nga, kahit anung isip pa ang gawin ko, kung hindi ko talaga alam, hindi ko din talaga sya maiisip.


Isa lang ang alam ko. Hindi ako mag-give up ng hindi lumalaban. Lalabanan ko yung sakit na nararamdaman ng puso ko. Yung kalungkutan na unti-unting pumapatay saken. Yung pangungulila sa pagmamahal nya. Lalaban ako hanggang sa mamatay ako. Hanggang sa madurog ang puso ko. Magtitiis ako hangga't kaya ko pa. Pero sana, bumalik na sya agad. Tao lang ako. Hindi ako si Darna, wala akong lakas o kapangyarihan para hindi masaktan. Sana pag balik nya, nakatayo pa din ako at lumalaban.

Gumawa na ako ng ilang steps para mapanatag ang loob ko. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako kumuha ng lakas ng loob para gawin yung bagay na yun. Alam kong magagalit sya saken pag nalaman nyang ginawa ko yun pero kung makaktulong yun sa mga problema nya ok lang. Hindi ako mapakali sa idea na mag-isa lang nyang sinusubukang lutasin ang problema nya. Kung hindi ako makakatulong sa kanya, alam ko merong pwede. Kahit pa nakasarado sakin ang mundo nya ngayon, alam kong mahihirapan syang gawin din yun sa mga taong pinakiusapan ko. Pero kung hindi pa din yun magiging solusyon, wala na akong maisip pah kundi...

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Mahal na mahal ko sya. Hindi na magiging kumpleto ang buhay ko pag nawala sya! Magiging matapang ako ulet basta bumalik lang sya! Kung kelangan kong kalimutan yung totoong ako para lang maaccomodate yung gusto nya gagawin ko! Basta kelangan ko sya sa buhay ko!


Pero aaminin ko, ang tanging dahilan kung bakit sinusubukan ko pa din lumaban dahil sinabi nyang Mahal na Mahal nya din ako. Na mahalaga ako sa kanya. Na hindi nya ako iiwan. Kahit pa ngayon hindi ko na nararamdaman yun, araw araw ko binabasa yung message na yun, para lang lagyan ng apoy yung mga katagang binitiwan nya. Sabihin nya lang sakin ngayon na mahal nya ako at hintayin ko ang pagbabalik nya, gagawin ko! Mawawala na yung mga alalahanin ko! Gusto ko lang malaman kung babalik pa ba sya o iniwan na nya ako.

Sabi nga ng favorite author nya, "kung mahalaga ka talaga sa isang tao, hahanap siya ng paraan para magkaoras sayo... Kung wala siyang oras sayo, wag ka nang umasang mahalaga ka sa kanya." Kaya sana kahit sa isang text lang sabihin nya saken ang dapat kong gawin. Hindi naman ako mahirap kausap eh. Kahit sa isang text na yun, mararamdaman ko na na pinapahalagahan nya ako.

Hirap na hirap na ang damdamin ko. Pero susubukan ko pa ring maging matatag, para kahit na sa oras ng katapusan, masasabi kong pinaglaban ko sya, nang buong puso't kaluluwa.


White Knight, mahal na mahal kita...

Testing, trying to post a blog using fone! :D

I experienced this scenario before.

it takes only one smile to cover a million tears..

May 1st hand experience nako sa ganito. Alam na alam ko na yung susunod. Alam na alam kong masasaktan ako ng sobra. I'll flood my bed with my tears again. Mawawala nanaman ako sa katinuan. Hindi nanaman magiging productive at magiging inutil muli. Madudurog ulit ang puso ko. Magdudugo ang damdamin ko. Mamamatay nanaman ako. Mamamatay na naman ang sarili ko na nagmahal ng sobra sobra.

Puso
Ilang araw na din simula nung una kong naramdaman yung uneasiness na hindi ko maexplain. Na there's this radiating anxiety within me kasi sabi ng instincts ko may mali. Panay ang text ko sa kanya araw araw. Kahit pa hindi ako nakakareceive ng reply, pilit kong tinatago yung nararamdaman kong kaba, basta text lang ako ng text sa kanya sa kung ano yung nangyayari sa buhay ko. Pero nung umuwi ako galing Bulacan, dalawang araw matapos ko maramdaman yung uneasiness na yun, dun na nagsimula yung paranoia ko. Hindi ko na mapigilan yung mga iniisip ko. Sya nalang ang nasa isip ko nung gabing yun. Nagtext sya at may napansin ako sa text nya. Parang may problema talaga sya. Hindi ko alam kung pano ko magawang iopen yung isyu na yun para mapag-usapan namin.

Gulat
In my attempt to catch his attention, tinext ko sa kanya yung tunay na nararamdaman ko. Hinahanap ko sya. Sinabi ko na kelangan ko sya. Nangungulila nako sa kanya. Ayoko na yung mga iniisip ko ng gabing yun, at sana kausapin nya ako para kumalma ako. Tinanong ko sya, "Nasan kna po?". Na-shock ako sa reply nya. I didn't expect that kind of response. Para akong sinampal ng malakas. effective naman kasi naging kalmado agad ako, pero napalitan naman ng takot yung nararamdaman ko. Nagsisimula na ang kinakatakutan ko.

Fortunately, nakapag-usap pa kami kahit sandali. Humingi ako ng tawad sa nangyari kanina. Marami daw lang daw syang iniisip. Nag-offer ako ng help na pwede nyang makausap. Mas gusto na lang daw nya na sa kanya nalang yun. Alam naman nya na nasaksaktan na nya ako at humihingi sya ng tawad dun. May iniisip daw syang mabigat na hindi daw ako makakatulong.

Feelings
Nadudurog yung puso ko. Umiiyak nako araw araw. Sobrang sakit na nang nararamdaman ko. Nafrufrustrate ako dahil hindi ko magawang matulungan sya. Nafrufrustrate ako na dahil feeling ko naleleft out ako. Nafeeling ko mag-isa lang akong lumalaban. Na lahat ng mga bagay sa sandaling panahon lang nagbago.

Sigaw
Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na proprotektahan ko sya. Ako ang magtutuloy ng laban kung hindi na nya kaya.


Gusto ko syang yakapin. Yakapin ng sobrang higpit habang sinasabi sa kanya na andito lang ako para suportahan sya. Na pwede nya akong pagkatiwalaan at kaya naming dalawa yung mga problema nya.


Sana sa oras na maisipan nya na balikan ako, sabihin nya sakin na mahal nya ako. Yun na siguro ang pinakamasayang oras ng buhay ko.


Pero alam ko, wala na akong magagawa pa kundi maghintay lang. Hihintayin ko sya hangga't kaya pa ng puso ko. Hangga't nabubuhay pa yung Betong na mahal nya at mahal na mahal sya.


Inaantay ko ang 1st date namin. Baka maging una at huli na namin yung date na yun. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko padin alam kung tutuloy ko pa din ang laban o mag-give up nalang ako. Pero for now, iintayin ko yung araw na yun. I'll just cross the bridge when I get there.


kung anuman ang maging resulta, pag nakalampas nako, there's no turning back.

be happy...

or die...