...to resigning
As perfect as my employer may seem, it still has its flaws. I proactively displayed bravado by drafting my Resignation Letter as a preemptive strike against my supposed transfer to the "other" section. It all started when rumor mongers swarmed me with gossips that I will be the one transferred since members of the section are being transferred somewhere else. Of course, I have no qualms with the work done by the other section. What I am concerned with is the immediate supervisor.

I have been there before. Being non-biodegradable with your immediate boss is really a pain. At the start, it will be fine but as the time passes, it's a glass of water held too long. It will just cause too much stress and eventually will burn me out.

The following are the words written in by supposed resignation letter. Though, I removed specific names, it still shows the essence of what I wanted them to understand.

My decision to accept my position during the onset of my hiring process was more of a personal one rather than for financial stability or for career fulfilment. I initially applied as a Technician but was reconsidered for this post after my final interview. Upon hearing of the post, which was then very vague to me, I sought counsel from my friends who are already working in the Company as well as from my former professor who is based in the City. I was advised with one thing: that the position is perfect for me. And I believe so as well. This alone is the sole reason why I accepted the job. This is also the primary reason why I declined offers, when I was still in training, to transfer to other sections.

I vividly remember that I was asked, during my interview, if what would be the reason why would leave the company. And I recall that I explicitly mentioned that I would leave the company if I will be forced to do something I am not comfortable with. I am not speaking of physical difficulties alone but heavily more on the psychosocial and emotional factors.

I am willing to stay with the company as long as I keep my position. But if that is not possible, I apologize but I dislike the new position; and I would rather not expose myself to potential excessive stress. It is unfortunate if I would leave the company in such a short period but I am adamant in my decision. I am prepared to settle any accounts because of this abrupt resignation.

One big factor why I accepted the job is because Albert told me that bagay na bagay sayo yan. I trust his judgement and here I am, loving what I'm doing, because he is right: bagay na bagay nga talaga saken.

And that's the reason why even though it is stressful in the office. I'm doing what I know I am good at.

Ni sa hinagap di ko naimagine na meron akong magugustuhan sa mga kanta ni Justin Bieber. Pero I will give him credit sa kantang to. Super love ko to simula nang marinig kyo sya sa playlist nung bus papuntang Bataan.


Common Denominator
by Justin Bieber


Just a fraction of your love fills the air,
And I fall in love with you all over again, oh
You're the light that feeds the sun in my world~,
I'd face a thousand years of pain for my girl.

Out of all the things in life that I could fear,
The only thing that would hurt me is if you weren't here
Woah oh oh oh

I don't wanna to go back
To just being one half of the equation
Do you understand what I'm sayin'?

Girl without you I'm lost
Can't fix this compass at heart
Between me and love,
You're the common denominator, oh, oh, ohh, oh
You're the common denominator, oh, oh, ohh, oh

Before your love was low, playin' girls was my high
You changed the game now I put my card in the side, eeyy
When broken hearts rise up to say love is a lie,
You and I will stand to be loves reply, yeah

Out of all the things in life that I could fear, yeah
The only thing that would hurt me is if you weren't here, here, here
Yeah, Yeah

I don't wanna to go back
To just being one half of the equation
Do you understand what I'm sayin'? (do you understand?)

Girl without you I'm lost
Can't fix this compass at heart
Between me and love
You're the common denominator, oh, oh, ohh, oh,
You're the common denominator, oh, oh, ohh, oh,

I can't imagine life without your touch,
And every kiss that you give, you fill me up
And through all the heart achin'
Jealous females hatin'
Imma hold it down for you, you

Oh, whoa...
Your the common denominator,
Oh, yeah, woahh,
I don't wanna to go back,

I don't wanna go back
To just being one half of the equation (half of the equation)
Do you understand what I'm sayin'? (oh, whoa)
Girl without you I'm lost
Can't fix this compass at heart
Between me and love
You're the common denominator (oh, oh, ohh, oh)
You're the common denominator (oh, oh, ohh, oh)

Just a fraction of your love fills the air,
And I fall in love with you all over again...

Infairness about math ah! Di ko inexpect!

♥♥♥♥

The day of the election is quick on its feet. With less than two (2) weeks away, the political climate here in my domicile is as filthy as the last trash slide in Smokey Mountain; and there is no sign that it will be cleaner anytime soon.

Power, Privilege, and Justice. It seems that most (if not all) the candidates in the local elections in my place of birth are after those three things. Well, these three things are not inherently evil. But these once used lavishly, carelessly, and selfishly, is a recipe for disaster and ruin. Just like what the two people running for the Mayoral Race in my lupang tinubuan. Evidently, a story of ruined friendship and relationship.

Joseph Ejercito Estrada and Alfredo Lim, former friends and political allies, now political enemies and rivals, are both running as the top man of our City. At first, I found it amusing that these two grown men are barking each other like wild lions marking their territory. But as I moved on to the initial shock and amusement, and these childish men are still at it, I exasperate that one of these bicker boys will seat as the leader of our city.

For the record, I will vote Mayor Lim. Though, we do have our strong difference of opinions on many matters such as: his selfish remark that Patriotism is dying in the Motherland because of the ROTC was made not compulsory for male college students; shutting down the Baywalk establiments since it provides high income for the City among other things. But we coincided on the long standing issue regarding the Oil Depots in Pandacan. If you would recall, he is very instrumental why the Oil Depots can still operate in Pandacan, because he signed the Ordinance that repealed an earlier local law that converts that particular area in Pandacan to a Mixed Commercial/Industrial Zone. Plus he vetoed succeeding ordinances that aims to remove the Oil Depots in their place.

This is a strong testament that the Depots are not going anywhere if Mayor Lim wins the seat for the third term. I would like to maintain that status quo. Though I know that it is just temporary since it will only last for three years. I'll just cross the bridge when the time is up.

Lately, I am flabbergasted with the news of throwing disqualification cases like a tennis rally. There are better things to do than watch and read fetal minded adults. I am much more irritated with the Estradas filing a disqualification case for Lim coupled with snarky uneducated comments. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! ala Sen. Miriam. In my point of view, it's just a juvenile attempt at intimidation. I mean, the man is a former Police General. C'mon! You need to do better than that! The man already ran against Estrada in the 1998 Presidential elections; he even won as Senator prior to becoming Manila Mayor again. kabobohan!

In other news, rivals in the position of Representative for the 1st district of Manila are my Godfathers. They are Ernesto "Erning" Dionisio and Ferdinand "Ding" Diaz, my Godfathers when I was baptized as a baby. Well, Ninong Dionisio formerly served as Councilman, and then was succeeded by my Godbrother Ernix Dionisio, a re-electionist. Ninong Dionisio already ran as Congressman prior to being a Councilor, but the position was far from his reach. Ninong Ding, on the other hand, is running for the second time for the same position. But when he 1st ran during the Presidential elections, he was not at all visible. Let us see if second time's the charm for him because I believe he has more machinery now.

I think I will abstain on this one.

For the councilors, I will not vote for any UNA candidates with exemption for my Godbrother Ernix Dionisio. I am positive that he did not vote to remove the Oil Depots in Pandacan. I am well aware that most of the UNA bets are PRO Oil Depot alis. The epitome of that is Atty Jong Isip who is running in the 3rd district is under the UNA ticket. Isip, the spokesperson of the authors of the Ordinance that converts that area of Pandacan to Mixed Commercial Zone, is enough reason why I can say for certain that most of the UNA bets would make moves to remove the Oil Depots.

Vice Mayor? Lou Veloso. I am saddened and disgusted how my former idol Vice Mayor Isko Moreno transformed to the power hungry insincere politician he is now. Though I don't have first hand experience on this, but being my father is also saddened by his experiences with this mud slinging, power tripping politician, he is off my list.

Today I learned that the President of the Manila Barangay Bureau and the President of the Sangguniang Kabataan are ex officio members of the City Council of Manila. What good does a less than 18 year old add to a room chalk full of adults? Haaaay Manila.

I love our city. I love our district. But the people in power should change for the betterment of our city's role to the society. I just hope that this coming election will be free from fraud. And may this be the first step for Manila's progress.

Different people covet different things. Some want money. Others, fame and glory. Power for some. But for carefree people like me; I covet happiness.

It was a delight to see him that hot noon. I was on our Department's service car when my brain recognized his physique as we passed by the spot where he was standing. He was wearing casual clothes. His cellphone on his one hand, obviously texting, a bag on the other. His red shirt showcases his porcelain skin. His aviator shades completes his look. Ampogi.

Everyday, I am paranoid of the fact that he hates me. I know he hates me. But I am dumbstruck when he calls my name when the opportunity permits. Like when I passed by the sand court, or when I went to fill my water bottle and he was by the mail room. Haaaaaay.

I always imagine myself breaking down because of too much love for him. My obsessive tendencies surface with the thought of him. But the thought that I need to prove myself keeps me at bay and sane. I don't want to rush and be left broken again. I will make him recognize me. Though I am still uncertain if I have a chance, but I will the best I can to make him feel that I love him.

That is what I desire. His attention and affection.

My only... DESIDERATA...

Kagabi feel na feel ko yung pagkanta sa videoke ng Take a bow by Madonna...


Take a bow
by Madonna

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Light are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
[there's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around [no one around]
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[one lonely star you don't know who you are]

Chorus:

Ive always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye

Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart [breaking my heart]
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
[just make em smile the whole world loves a clown]
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played [role that you played]
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star
[one lonely star and you don't know who you are]

(chorus, repeat)

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye

All the world is a stage [world is a stage]
And everyone has their part [has their part]
But how was I to know which way the storyd go
How was I to know you'd break
[youd break, you'd break, you'd break]
Youd break my heart

Ive always been in love with you
[Ive always been in love with you]
Guess youve always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

(chorus)

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
Say good-bye

Lalo na dun sa chorus, may pa pikit-pikit pang nalalaman.

♪♫♪...I've always been in love with you... ♫♪♫

♪♫♪...I guess you've always known it it's true... ♫♪♫

♪♫♪...You took my love for granted why, oh why... ♫♪♫

♪♫♪...The show is over say goodbye... ♫♪♫

♪♫♪...say... goodbye... ♫♪♫

Siguro ngayon andun palang ako sa take my love for granted. Wala pa akong balak mag-give up. Hindi ko pa rin naman inaamin face to face ang feelings ko sa kanya. Bahala na. Sabi nga ni Patrick Carlos, "I need to man up!"

Masasabi ko din kay White King na may feelings ang Black Queen sa kanya.

Sa tingin ng ibang tao, madali ako makibagay. Sa tingin nila, madali akong maging kaibigan kasi approachable ako. Pero ang hindi nila alam, marami akong insecurities sa sarili ko. Maraming nag-daang emotional scars saken bago ako naging ganito. Dahil hanggang ngayon, iyakin pa din ako.

Sa totoo lang takot ako sa lalake. Napaparanoid ako lagi. At the back of my mind there is this voice that tells me, "...iisipin lang ng mga yan habol mo katawan nila..." Na twing dadating ako, andun ako para silipan, harass-in, or rape-in sila. Habang ang tangi ko lang naman inooffer ay friendship. Oo aaminin ko minsan, syempre attracted din ako sa iba sa kanila, pero hindi naman ako ganung klaseng bakla. Hindi naman ako nanamantala. Makakasigurado naman sila na hindi ko sila pagsasamantalahan bagkus tutulungan ko pa sila pag kailangan nila, hindi na kailangan pang humingi ng tulong saken.

Nung Thursday, nasaktan nanaman akong muli. Muling bumalik yung hapdi nung mga oras na yun. Nagflashback ako dun sa unang beses na nireject ako.

"...wag mo na akong tawaging kuya..."

Sabi nya...

Ngayon...

"Whil kung magtetext ka wag mo na lagyan ng baby..."

Nasaktan ako. Siguro dahil wala naman kasi saken yan, endearment lang naman. Alam naman din nya kung sino yung gusto ko. Wala namang malisya saken. Nahiya nga ako, may mga nakakita pa ngang umiiyak ako. Kahit ngayon, iniisip ko lang napapaluha na ulet ako.

Haaaay...

Siguro ganun talaga. Oh well, move on.

Nashare ko nato sa mga tao sa Bataan. Now is the time to really put it in writing.

Ten Rules that govern Inhinyera Dyosa Whihelmina's life

Rule#1

"Kung gusto mong igalang ka ng mga tao, maging kagalang galang ka. Haliparot ka tapos gusto mo galangin ka?!"

Rule#2

"Wag kang gagawa ng bagay na maari mong ikahiya. Prevention is always better than Damage Control."

Rule#3

"Ang kaibigan di pinapatos, kung masarap sya, konting tiis, baka sa susunod twing nakikita ka nya, wala na syang ginawa kundi mainis."

Rule#4

"Wag tumikim kung pagsisisihan mo din. Di mo naman pwede isuka yan eh."

Rule#5

"Wag mong asahang proprotektahan at uunahin ka ng mga lalake. Hindi ka prinsesa teh."

Rule#6

"Pag nagmahal ng boylet, magtira rin ng pagmamahal sa sarili. Hindi dapat lahat ibinibigay."

Rule#7

"Pag nadapa, matutong tumayo mag-isa. Tapos, kumanta ng Stronger by Britney Spears."

Rule#8

"Wag hayaan ang mga tao ay husgahan ka dahil lang sa sexual orientation mo. Mas magaling ka sa kanila, at kaya mo yung patunayan."

Rule#9

"Lahat ng bagay sa mundo may dahilan. Kelangan mo lang hanapin o hintayin ang sagot"

Rule#10 *NEW*

"Maging mabuti ka, wag mabaet. Alay sa taong mahal ko. =D"

The tune of the Pippen song signaled that I received a new message. My heart started racing when his name appeared as the sender. I don't know. He always had that effect on me. Ever since the day that I read that particular message.

Ever since then, I knew I fell in love with him. I might have been dismissive of it at first, but I knew right then and there what I felt. It didn't need words to describe it. The simple *lub dub* * lub dub* everytime I'm near him; That unintentional shaking; That clumsy demeanor; The instant mood change when I look at him smiling; The insatiable need to impress him; The joy of just looking at him earnestly. Haaaaay!

*kabog* *kabog*

I was there at the place. I joined their drinking session with one of their seniors. I acted cool and absent-minded but amidst my obvious sleepiness for not having any sleep that day, my heart was pumping blood in overdrive. He was there. I know that slim build, though I only saw his back. I ate and drank my poison. Everyone was oblivious of the fact that I was fighting both fatigue and warmth due to the rapids known my circulatory system.

After his senior left, we began conversing about some things. I was dumbfounded, honestly. I did not expect that I will be communicating with him that night. All the while I thought he despises me. After everything I did, he has every right to be mad at me. We talked but not on personal issues but more on about work. I guess it was still too awkward to talk about personal and private things.

*kabog* *kabog* Every destined time that we meet at the corridor.

*kabog* *kabog* Every time he smiles.

*kabog* *kabog* Every time, in our chance meetings, he tells me what he's going to do.

*kabog* *kabog* Every time, I see him striving hard.

I will always be his fan.

Every beat of my beaten heart is in full support for him.

Stress finally caught up with me. I'm out sick for four (4) days. I really didn't want to go home last Tuesday. I feel like I needed to do so many things. I really feel bad leaving the others when there are tons of things to do. But it's better to prevent the possibility that I will infect the girls with my Flu.

Wooooooooooooooooooooo...

Gosh! I think I'm in for a landslide this Monday morning. But I'm in for the challenge!

Dyosa Powers: FULL MANA! BRILLIANCE AURA LVL 4!!!

*sigh*

I exasperated a thousand sighs that night. I laid awake, covered by my new quilt, trying to fight the cold from inside and out of my body. Still thinking about you. If I should still give you a chance, or just let it go.

Honestly, I'm frustrated. I really want to give you a chance to tell me everything. But I don't have the opportunity and the right reason to openly address the concern to you. Aside from the obvious fact that we live in different work schedules, it will simply be too awkward to ask something that personal to you. I don't even know where I stand with you. Am I a friend? A partner in crime? or just a Colleague?

In case you didn't know, News Flash: I am in love with you. That's the reason why it kills me that you lied to me. It pains me that you didn't trust me with this. I think I would be the best person to be told of such things and I would be able to understand it completely without prejudice. But then again, you're probably scared and confused or you haven't completely understood yourself.

I shifted my gaze towards my blank pink wall. Image of your angelic face projects; smiling at me.

*sigh*

A thousand and one sighs.

I understand why you need to be strong. I fully understand why. But if you ask me, I'll help you. Remember when I told you that we are in this together? I hope you haven't forgotten about that. If you tell me, I'll protect you. If you want me to, I'll hold you tight and make sure that no person will hurt you. I will be strong for you. I will be strong for the two of us.

You don't need to be constantly be strong. I will share the burden with you. You don't need to be alone. I can accompany you.

*sigh*

I love you... You are always on my mind. Part of the storm in my Brain. I love you.